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The Benefits of Success

Over the past several days, Dave has been teaching about the benefits of failure.  This is an important topic because it is so counter-intuitive to how we naturally think.  I hope you had the opportunity to read and digest this important information.

Dave’s last point in Friday’s article struck a chord with me due to some personal events in my life over the weekend.  My family and I attended the memorial service of a dear friend, Roger Shaeffer.  Roger passed way at the age of 88, after a short bout with cancer.

What struck me about Roger’s life was not his failures, rather his successes.  He was one of the most successful people I’ve ever known—not in the terms that we normally ascribe to success, such as personal finances, assets, etc. (although he was successful in these areas as well), but in terms of the positive impact he had on other people.

There is no way I could possibly capture the significance of Roger’s life in a short article - one of his sons wrote a letter that took 15 minutes to read during the memorial service, and he admittedly just scratched the service!  But, I can share a few things that I learned about success from Roger.

1.  Success means making those around you better individuals.  During a time of sharing memories, about 25 people recalled a happy memory of Roger.  Most of these people started the story with, “Roger made me a better person by….” 

2.  Success means encouraging those around you.  Roger loved to sing.  I knew this from being around him, but I was surprised how many others also had this memory of Roger.  He would burst into song on almost any occasion.  How can you not be happy when someone around you is singing?  What I learned last night was that he did that more for the benefit of those around him, than for himself.

3.  Success means being generous and thankful.  I don’t believe there was a person at the memorial service (and there were hundreds there) who had not received something from Roger.  For my two-year-old daughter, it was a pinch on the cheek and a bright smile.  For my sons, it was the Seattle Mariners tickets every year.  For me, it was the World War II combat stories and the encouragement to be a faithful Dad.  Everyone else had their memories as well, but the common thread was that he always gave with a belief that he had been blessed with so much.

The lesson here is that we’re all going to face failures and setbacks—especially when it comes to careers, jobs, finances, personal goals, and maybe even relationships....it's part of life.  However, Roger has reminded me (and I'm reminding you) to take the time to invest in the people/relationships that ultimately result in a truly successful life—even when you are going through difficult times.  This type of investment doesn't take a lot of money--it's more about having a warm heart and a willing spirit. 

The Benefits of Failure - Part 3

The last two days, and particularly Friday, I discussed failure as an integral part of learning.  You now understand that the brain grows best by experiencing multiple failures.

Today, I'll focus specifically on the big failures in life... You know, the ones where you feel like the sky is falling, you're an idiot for making that decision, how could you let this happen, life will never be the same....those kind of failures.

In a recent Psychology Today article, I found a helpful list to consider in those darkest days of (what seems like horrible) failure.  Here are nine ways to fail better:

"1.  Lighten up - Most people who bounce back from setbacks have a sense of humor.  They know when they're taking things—and themselves—too seriously... It's hard to find the funny in the fine grain.  Humor is about stepping back for fresh perspective.  We assume that's something we're born with, but we can become better at seeing the lighter side by sheer exposure to that way of thinking.  And it does take the edge off of failure.  After all, an embarrassment today makes for an entertaining story tomorrow.

2.  Join the club - Misery loves company.  Just look at the growth of Web-based support groups like '15,000,000 Recession-Touched People' (on Facebook) and Global Depression Support Group (on meetup.com).

There's real value in commiseration.  When Montrealer Sylvain Henry started a Facebook support group called 'Recession Survivors' after being laid off from a software company, the group became a lightning rod for pain and blame.  'You've gotta blame someone, right?'  Henry says.  'Whose fault is this?'  People vented about the lost house, the failed marriage.  It was cathartic.

Then something happened.  'People vented themselves out,' Henry says.  'After that came another impulse:  Let's do something about this.'  The members began posting productive hints, little money-saving tips about budget-friendly cookie recipes or how to throw a good garage sale.  The site transformed into a clearinghouse of resourceful coping strategies for hard times.  Call it Failing Better:  the Open-Source Edition.

3.  Feel guilt, not shame - The difference between guilt and shame is the reason we assign as to why failure occurs, notes Richard Robins, a psychologist at the University of California at Davis.  Guilt says it's 'something I did.'  But shame means feeling failure occurred because of 'something I am'—in which case, you expect failure and don't act to avoid it.

But the cycle of learned helplessness can be broken.  Instead of thinking 'I'm a failure,' think 'I'm a good person who made a mistake I can learn from.'  If your story about failure is, 'It's all my fault,' you might need to practice looking outward and ask yourself, 'What other things—things that aren't about me—might have caused this negative event?'

On the other hand, if your story is, 'It's never about me,' you may need to seek out some aspects of the problem you can do something about.  Because let's face it, you do mess up—everyone does.  In which case you need to own the failure, see what you can learn from it, and move on.

4.  Cultivate optimism - Of the seven learnable skills of resilience—emotion awareness, impulse control, multiperspective thinking, empathy, the belief that you can solve your own problems, taking appropriate risks, and optimism—the most important is optimism, says Karen Reivich, a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania.  'There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so,' said Hamlet, and indeed, paying attention to the positive infuses the world with hope—and creates a climate in which failure loses its sting.

The key to resilience is thinking more flexibly and learning to increase your array of options.  The psychologist Martin Seligman advocates disputation, in which you think of your mind as a courtroom where negative thoughts are instantly put on trial.

You can rebut these thoughts, and you should.  Now you're acting as your own defense counsel, throwing at the court every bit of evidence you can think of to prove the belief is flawed.  The bad thought is no longer a lock, and it dies amid the doubt.

5.  Ask not what the world can do for you... - Getting fired and left without savings or health-care coverage is rough, but for some, it carries an unexpected message:  'Now you are free.'  Free to do something more meaningful with your life—like volunteering overseas.  If you don't have to earn money right away, ask yourself:  How can you be of service to others?

6.  Scale down your expectations for yourself - When we succeed, we tend to just ratchet up our expectations for ourselves and not get a lot of pleasure out of it.  But when we fail, it's much harder to ratchet down our expectations for ourselves.  'That might be what failing well is,' says psychologist Jonathan Haidt.  'A willingness to lower our sights when that's realistically required.'

7.  Harness the Bridget Jones Effect - Keeping a journal can help you cope with failure.  Jamie Pennebaker, a psychologist at the University of Texas, studied middle-aged engineers who'd lost their jobs.  Those who wrestled with their feelings about the trauma through journaling were far more likely to find reemployment.  It wasn't simply the tension-relieving 'catharsis' of getting their feelings out.  Nor was it that they were more motivated to get out there and pound the pavement—they didn't receive more phone calls, make more contacts, or send out more letters.

Rather, writing helps create meaning — finding coherence and building a personal story that lassos all the question marks hanging in the air and making sense of them.  Writing about their feelings forced them to come to terms with getting laid off.  It also boosted their social skills—making them more likeable, less vindictive, and better able to get on with things.  They were less wrapped up in their past.  They could listen better and were more optimistic and less hostile.

8.  Act! - Failure is an opportunity to change course.  Seize it."

And I'm going to provide one of my own:

9.  Use major failures as a reminder to return to the things you value most in this world - These things are less transient: Your faith, your family, building community, etc...

Research has found quite clearly that the values listed above are associated with much higher levels of well-being than are the values of materialism, physical attractiveness, and financial success.  Know where you can bank on the deepest satisfaction... 

The Benefits of Failure - Part 2

In yesterday’s post I introduced some of the newer thinking around the concept of failure.  Specifically, I revealed that failure is a fairly important ingredient for future success.

As promised, today I am going to update you on what the brain does with failure.  It’s actually quite fascinating to learn that how you handle failure either gives, or takes away, your brain’s ability to grow and learn.

Your brain is made up of millions of neurons and synapses, all with the ability to build super highways of super speed.  All that is needed to build these connections is a substance called Myelin.  Myelin, it’s recently been found, has the ability to grease the skids between neurons so that large pathways are formed to create mega bandwidth learning and growth, if given the opportunity.  And guess what gives your brain the greatest opportunity for Myelin production?... Failure!  Not just failure, but lots of failure…the more the better!  And not just large doses of failure, but failure and correction, failure and correction, failure and correction…

Here’s an example:

In 1997, Soccer Coach, Simon Clifford, was so curious about what caused Brazilian Soccer to be so successful, that he temporarily moved to Brazil and lived in a dimly lit dorm-like setting to find out first-hand.  What he found has changed the way many elite youth soccer teams practice, and has made Simon Clifford a very wealthy man, given that he has founded worldwide “Brazilian Soccer Schools” all over the globe.

What he found was that everyone, except the professionals, were playing a much smaller game of soccer on a small, hard court, with a heavier ball.  Given the small space, the game moved quickly and frantically, with split-seconds to decide where to pass, to whom, and how.  In other words, unlike American Soccer, Brazilian Soccer offers many more chances to fail and succeed in each minute of play, for each player – Every player touches the ball six times more per minute, to be exact.

When the brain experiences this incredible frequency of failure and correction, it grows Myelin like mad!  Super highways are formed that can ultimately lead to amazing talent.

So what does all of this have to do with us?

I’d love some comments about how you believe this can be applied…but here is one broad idea:

As you coach or mentor others, encourage them (and place them in positions) to fail.  Then have feedback sessions, then allow them to fail some more, then more feedback, etc, until they get it.  And when they do, more than likely, they will thank you for the growth you enabled them…

Reference:  The Talent Code, by Daniel Coyle

The Benefits of Failure

If you recruit, coach, mentor or parent others, you will benefit greatly from the next few blogs...  Ask yourself these questions:  How do you deal with failure as a coach?  As a recruiter?  How do you deal with your own failure?

No one likes the feeling of failing - It can be devastating to our egos.  Failure in one area of our life has a way of impacting every other domain.  So, many of us try to avoid failure at all costs.  Consequently, many of your employees and those you are attempting to recruit become frozen in a fear of failure.  So, what is an effective way to address this fear?

There is a rapidly growing body of evidence revealing that failure is not only essential to learning, but can also have a positive effect on our psyches.  The more rapidly you fail, pick yourself up, and then try again, the faster you perfect your skills.  Interestingly, the most successful people attribute their successes to countless failures.

The following is an excerpt from the June edition of Psychology Today:   

"Some psychologists, like the University of Virginia's Jonathan Haidt, ...argue that adversity, setbacks, and even trauma may actually be necessary for people to be happy, successful, and fulfilled.  'Post-traumatic growth,' it's sometimes called.  Its observers are building a solid foundation under the anecdotes about wildly successful people who credit their accomplishments to earlier failures that pushed them to the edge of the abyss.

Last fall, J.K. Rowling described to a Harvard grad class a perfect storm of failure—broken marriage, disapproval from her parents, poverty that bordered on homelessness—that sent her back to her first dream of writing because she had nothing left to lose.  'Failure stripped away everything inessential,' she said.  'It taught me things about myself I could have learned no other way.'

Apple founder Steve Jobs describes three apparent setbacks—dropping out of college, being fired from the company he founded, and being diagnosed with cancer—that ultimately proved portals to a better life.  Each forced him to step back and gain perspective, to see the long view of his life.  'I have failed over and over and over again, and that is why I succeed,' said Michael Jordan—as did Oprah, Walt Disney, Henry Ford, Winston Churchill, and Thomas Edison, in slightly different words.  Indeed, so oft-repeated is the trope that we lose sight of how strange it is.'
 
...'Failing better' boils down to three things.  It's a matter of controlling our emotions, adjusting our thinking, and recalibrating our beliefs about ourselves and what we can do in the world.

'Chess is a game of failure,' says Bruce Pandolfini, an American chess master known for his work teaching young chess players.  (Sir Ben Kingsley played him in Searching for Bobby Fischer.)  'At the beginning, you lose—a lot.  The kids who are going to succeed are the ones who learn to stand it.  A lot of young players find losing so devastating they never adapt, never learn to metabolize that failure and to not take it personally.  But good players lose and then put the game behind them emotionally.'

Pandolfini teaches his students this calming sense of perspective.  The present moment is laid out against the past.  What you see is compared to your memories of what you've seen—and mastered—before.  What you have in the end is a kind of coherent story.  He calls it chess instruction, but really, it works with anything.  In fact, it's not so different from the way writing down your feelings in a journal helps you process failure and move on, a phenomenon demonstrated by James Pennebaker, a psychologist at the University of Texas.

Teachers, studies reveal, can foster resiliency among students, creating students who don't flinch from failure but actually welcome it as a learning opportunity."

As a manager, how can you adopt this way of teaching, coaching and encouraging your employees/agents?  How can you begin to teach "chess instruction?"

Tomorrow, I'll discuss the neuroscience of failure and success... It will have you yearning to fail more! 

"Me...Me...Me... I Think I'm Really Close On This One!"

As we discuss some of the best practices of working a talent pipeline, I’d like to address one major pitfall that many recruiters fall into....the oh-so-tempting art of manipulation.

When you’re working with a candidate in your talent pipeline, there is a temptation to manipulate events and circumstances in an attempt to create a short-cut to the end result of the recruiting process.  Remember, in the recruiting process, timing is everything, and it is controlled by the candidate, not you!  If the process is forced, talented candidates will quickly sense the manipulation and shy away, irritated with your brash approach.

I’ll illustrate how this can play out with a short clip from one my favorite movies, Groundhog Day.  In this movie, Phil (played by Bill Murray) is an arrogant newscaster who is trying to win the affection of Rita, an attractive co-worker (played by Andie MacDowell).   

The conversations between Phil and Rita always circle back to how Phil is the perfect fit for everything Rita is looking for in a man.  Take a look at the following clip and you’ll see what I mean:

(If you’re an email subscriber to WorkPuzzle, please visit WorkPuzzle online to see the video clip)

Of course this exchange is exaggerated for comic effect, but it’s not far from how your candidates feel when you’re attempting to manipulate them.  When every frustration or obstacle can be magically solved by coming to work for you, the candidate has every right to roll his/her eyes and feel appalled by your self-centered approach. 

While it seems more efficient to push a candidate along the hiring path, you will earn the respect of your candidates if you refrain from manipulating them, and instead allow them to process their options at their own pace.  Of course, diligent follow up is still crucial, just avoid promising them the world or solutions to all their woes.   

Interestingly, the movie teaches an important lesson.  Phil is constantly rebuffed when he pursues Rita from a framework of manipulation and self-interest.  Eventually, he resigns himself to working on his own character and truly becoming the type of guy that Rita would be naturally attracted to.

I won’t spoil the movie by giving away the ending, but I will say that Phil found a lot more success in his venture to win Rita when he stopped attempting to manipulate her and started to look out for her best interests instead.  You too, will have better success with your candidates if you follow Phil's lead - that is, do less talking and more listening..

Following Up With Candidates in Your Talent Pipeline

One of the most common questions we get from our clients is:

“What do I say to the candidates who are in my talent pipeline?  I know I need to follow-up with them consistently, but how do I keep a person engaged and interested over a long period of time?”

This is a great question and one that we’re going to attempt to answer in this week's discussions.  We’ll start with a simple principle that Dale Carnegie once recognized:

"You can make more friends in two months by becoming really interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you."

The natural way to approach a talent pipeline (our term for the pool of candidates you are most interested in recruiting) is from a perspective of “What can these people do for me?”  After all, you are recruiting them for the contribution they can make to your organization, not the other way around, right?

In the recruiting process, however, you’ll find more success by operating under the opposite perspective.  You must legitimately put yourself in a mindset where you’re asking, “How can I help this person accomplish both their personal and career goals?”  This is what makes a lasting impression in the minds of your candidates.

This may sound oversimplified, but the human spirit has a way of drifting back to self-interest unless we continually prod it to take an interest in others.

The first step in this process is to focus your conversations with candidates on what the candidate is trying to accomplish in their life.  We already know that people like to talk about themselves, so ask questions that allow a person to talk about their accomplishments, what they’re proud of doing, and how they do their best work. 

During these conversations, listen for frustrations and obstacles that keep the individual from being more successful.  Don’t act on this information at this point—just listen and catalog the information for later use.

Next, find ways to address or solve one or two of these frustrations.  These solutions will carry more impact if they come from outside your organization and have nothing to do with the recruiting process.  In fact, the most thoughtful and empathetic people are able to pick up on the smallest cues during a conversation and turn them into action. 

I’ll give you an example from my personal life: 

I was at dinner with a group of guys last week.  During the conversation, the topic of youth baseball came up.  One of the guys in the group had some apprehension about his son leaving the Little League environment (only for 12 years and younger), unaware of what options are available at the next level.  Because I have sons who have played at various levels and in various leagues, I was able to answer some questions and refer him to a couple of websites and individuals who may be able to help him make a good decision.   

While my example doesn't pose a huge dilemma of sorts, it does illustrate how you can listen for a small frustration/concern and then act upon this information to help alleviate the frustration. 

If you can integrate these types of interactions into the conversations you have with those in your talent pipeline, it won’t be long before those with whom you interact see you as a resource.  It becomes natural (and comforting) to them to imagine themselves working with people who are helpful and insightful, like you. 

Articulating Your Value

On Friday, Dave challenged each of you to figure out the compelling value that your company offers to a prospective employee.  If you’re not able to offer something that distinguishes you from your competitors, then being successful at a recruiting process will be difficult.

Over the last several years, we’ve had the occasion to work with a few companies that really struggle with this principle.  They want the benefit of bringing in many new recruits, but they don’t want to do the work of making their environment the most attractive option.  When companies are operating in such a manner, the “blind spot” that develops is atrocious.

For example, we occasionally hear of hiring managers poking fun at candidates who choose to work at other companies.  They’ll say something like:

“I can’t believe that Kristine went to work for XYZ company just because they offer a better marketing system to support their salespeople.  I told her that individual effort is what really makes the difference between those who are successful and those who aren't, but she wouldn’t listen.  What an idiot.”

There is an idiot in this story, but it’s not Kristine!  Kristine responded in a way that is common for people making important decisions.  Assuming other significant factors are somewhat equal, a candidate looks for smaller things to differentiate one option from another.

This is a critical juncture in the fight to win the decision of a candidate.  People respond to concise messages that articulate value.

For example, I met with the owner of a real estate office last week whose business model is focused on offering support to full-time agents who are well-established in their careers.  On the surface, this business model seems expensive, and the owner has to constantly fight off the marketing messages of other companies who seem to offer similar services at reduced fees.

He’s boiled his marketing message down to something very simple:

“If you’re a full-time agent who is able to consistently execute two or more transactions per month, there is no better place to work in [his State] than this office.”

Of course, he can back up his statement with tangible benefits and results.  But, the singular focus (agents who execute two or more transactions) and the sense of being elite (it’s not for everyone) articulate the value that he offers to prospective agents.

What is the differentiating value that you can offer your prospective candidates?  Once you figure this out, spend some time boiling the concept down to a single sentence that you can repeat to those around you on a regular basis.  By doing this, you’ll internalize this value and be able to naturally communicate it to your candidates.

What's Your Value?

We are in the midst of preparing a series of articles on how to become a great recruiter.  No matter what business you're in, recruiting should always be a priority if you want to grow your business.

For our clients, recruiting is always considered a top priority.  But saying this and actually doing it, are two very different things!  Before we go into all the specifics regarding great recruiting, I want to address the fundamental foundation of recruiting.  You MUST be able to answer, with certainty and conviction, the following questions:

First, what distinguishing value do you provide, that's not provided by every other company in your industry?  And second, what, specifically, do you have to offer that is unattainable elsewhere?

If you don't know the answer to these questions, even the most steadfast discipline and best system of recruiting won't get you where you want to be.  

Here's a personal example:

When I began building a private practice as a Clinical Psychologist in 1987, I had to market my practice.  But, the problem was that the Seattle market was saturated with Psychologists.  So, I had to ask myself fairly quickly, what set me apart from others?  It became very clear to me, early on, that the busiest Psychologists were the ones who had gone beyond the work they had done to receive their Ph.D., and had invested in several years of extended supervision to learn a specialty, or a very specific way of offering great psychotherapy.

So, after some due diligence, I found an orientation of psychotherapy that made a great deal of sense to me.  I paid thousands of dollars each year for five additional years (beyond the initial nine years of school) to become proficient at delivering this very intense and disciplined way of helping people heal.

Now of course, all the while, I was marketing myself, by speaking publicly, meeting with physicians, etc... all the normal things you do to get your name out there.  However, what caused my practice to reach a state of critical mass, where marketing took care of itself, was offering services that people knew worked for them, services that were above and beyond the standard.

This is what will create the buzz - It's what caused me to pay top dollar to seek specialized training, and what caused my clients to follow a referral to my door.  Oh and by the way, it also happens to be the right thing to do... to offer something of true quality is in everyone's best interest; In my case, I improved myself by undergoing the intense training, and my clients benefited from my unique set of skills as well.

So, if you want to become an exceptional recruiter, ask yourself:  What do you offer that other managers or owners don't?  What value do you add, that's difficult to find anywhere else? 

Hiring Managers who can clearly articulate answers to these questions, and stand behind them, can recruit with confidence... 

The Wide Application of Your Talents

One of our readers recently wrote in with the following question:

"I left a  major  home building company after 12 years - after starting in an entry level field position, working up to a position managing the contracting for 40 to 70 million dollar projects.  I was responsible for scopes of work; contract negotiation and coordination.  It was my dream job, but I was unhappy with some ethical issues and left for a new company building low income housing in the inner-city where I was handed more responsibility, control and money.  My new company folded four months later and I have floundered ever since.  Some days I'm confident and hopeful, and others I wonder if a career change is inevitable and I'm just not seeing the writing on the wall. 

To finally get to my question, how, if the change from construction is inevitable, do I market my universal skills and experience (minus a degree) to companies outside my industry.  I know I am good and have the skills to transition, anyone I have worked for or with will tell you that.  How do I get that across?  How do I get the opportunity to prove this?"

---

Thanks for this great question, as it it cuts to the heart of 21st century hiring.

Allow me to break this down a bit:

First, let's address the overall philosophy that is inherent in your question.  That is, talent is talent...period.  We are moving away from 20th century recruiting, where managers made hiring decisions based solely on one's education, credentials, and match-for-match job descriptions.  The smartest employers and most confident, forward-thinking individuals are considering a wider definition of talent application these days.

These companies and individuals are realizing that prior job description isn't as crucial for predicting great performance as are general core strengths, talents and capacities.

We each have natural capacities to tackle certain tasks.  Even though these talents require some development, from the very beginning, they seem natural to us.  We all have a knack for certain activities - they give us energy and fulfillment.  These talents don't belong solely to a specific title or position, nor do they belong to a single profession.  These core talents can be applied to hundreds of positions.

Here is an example:  My brother was once (years ago) an excellent Jr. High School Teacher.  He then worked in software account management and development, and eventually for his state government as the go-to guy for pushing through major legislation and integration from their innovative IT department.  A few years ago, an international label & packaging company was in need of a Director of Project Development.  Instead of searching for someone with that exact job description, they searched for the talents they needed to fit the job they envisioned.  They sought someone who had shown a natural pattern of excellence in friendly negotiations among several stake holders, while diplomatically and systematically coordinating the efforts of multiple contributors toward a project completion. 

He was hired, despite the fact that he never had the title or job description of Project Director before.

So, I would recommend the individual who asked the question do the following:
 
Consider your talents carefully, and continue to push forward confidently, knowing that there is a company out there in need of your specific talents.  Diligently pursue companies that interest you.  Find a position that you'd like to fill, ignore what experience they are asking for, and figure out how your talents can be used to do the job well.

Be persistent in your efforts to get interviewed.  Good hiring managers will respond to persistence.  Your chance to "prove yourself" will come once you're on the inside...sitting in the interview chair.  During the interview, humbly, subtly and respectfully take charge.  Ask how that position contributes to the bottom line and overall company mission.  Once you thoroughly understand the core tasks and goals of the job, boil down your talents to brief descriptions and tell them how they can be used to accomplish the overall purpose of the position.  Encourage them to contact your references for feedback on how you would meet that challenge.

If they don't hire you after this, move on.  There are plenty of companies looking for this kind of desire to contribute to something great, rather than to just fill a position...

Why Do People Make Career Moves? - Part 2

Let’s suppose you make contact with a candidate, Brian, who you feel would be a great fit in your organization.  More than likely, you will have spent time and resources locating and contacting this person.  
 
After making a connection with Brian over the phone, you convince him that it would be mutually beneficial for you to set up a short, informational interview with the Hiring Manager, Nancy.

You follow up after the interview and discover that the Hiring Manager loved the candidate.  A quick call to the candidate reveals a similar feeling:  

“This is a great opportunity and I appreciate you setting up the interview with Nancy.  We really hit it off, and I can see myself working on her team and thriving under her leadership.”

Like many high-quality candidates, Brian is already immersed in his current job and does not really need to pursue the opportunity immediately.  He has a good income, a family to support, and a network of friends and contacts who regularly share new opportunities with him.  The next part of the conversation often goes something like this:

“I have a lot to process from what Nancy shared with me.  I’m also in the middle of a significant project at work that is going to take a lot of focus over the next couple of weeks.  Can you give me a call in a few weeks, after I'm done with the project?”

Now, what happens if you call Brian in a couple of weeks and ask him if he wants to work at your company, and he says he’s not ready to make a decision?  Many recruiters communicate a message something like this:

“Brian, I appreciate the time you’ve taken to learn about the opportunity in Nancy’s group.  You have Nancy’s contact information.  If you decide that you want to move forward with the opportunity in the future, just give Nancy a call.”

Of course, you never hear from Brian again.  Nancy never hears from Brian again.  Both of you have moved on to the next candidate, starting back at the beginning of the process.  If you're like many recruiters, you rationalize this course of action by telling yourself that if Brian were really a good candidate, he'd chase you or Nancy down and show initiative on his own.

This thought process is not reality.  It is your bruised ego telling you to justify an emotional decision.  "You'll teach that candidate for blowing you off!"
 
The reality is you’ve wasted the sourcing time and resources it took to originally make contact with Brian.  You’ve also wasted the time that both you and Nancy spent teaching Brian about the benefits of working in your organization.  This type of waste makes the recruiting process inefficient and frustrating for you, the managers you recruit for, and your candidates.
 
How can this be remedied?  Here are some thoughts:

1. Stop insisting that your company’s timing takes precedence over the candidate’s timing.  The best candidates have lots of opportunities and make career moves according to their schedule.  You need them, they don’t necessarily need you - At least not today.

2. Stop playing a numbers game you can’t win.  On occasion, you will happen upon a high quality candidate whose life circumstances have caused him/her to make a job change in perfect sequence with your company’s need to fill a position.  But as you well know, this doesn’t happen very often.  The candidates who immediately jump at your opportunities are often misfits, losers, and desperados you don’t really want anyway.

3. Approach your candidates with humility and empathy rather than arrogance.  The high quality candidates that you want to attract to your organization have lives.  They are going to respond to thoughtful and empathetic dialog much better than to someone implying they’re an idiot for not jumping on the opportunity that is in front of them today.

If you want to recruit the Brians out there, don't give up so easily.  Follow the advice above and be diligent in your follow-up.  When these candidates are ready to make a change, you will be there to guide and entice them to consider joining your team.