WorkPuzzle

Defining Happiness - Part 3: Coaching for Happiness and Confidence

The most popular WorkPuzzle blog to date is titled “Coaching for Confidence.”  In order to achieve a state of true confidence, you need to have worked hard at developing a talent or set of skills.  This development never comes easily and is always built with consistent and copious amounts of time and effort.

If you’ve read WorkPuzzle the last couple days (Part 1, Part 2), you know that science says the same thing about happiness.  Happiness, or a life with abiding and deep satisfaction, takes work.

For coaches, parents, and managers, this is invaluable information.  Only with this information firmly planted into your frontal lobe, can you know how to begin answering questions and fielding complaints regarding frustration, failure, roadblocks, and anxiety.

Let me give you some examples of what science says about happiness and confidence, and then tell you how to apply it:

1. Success and happiness never come solely from “the pleasant life.”  The pleasant life is defined as:  A life dedicated to maximizing the amount of pleasurable experiences in both frequency and duration.  People who value this goal above all others, exhibit more depression and anxiety, and are more likely to report feelings of “emptiness.”  (Martin Seligman, "Learned Optimism")

2. People report much greater well-being when working.  They feel stronger, more creative, satisfied, and good about themselves when they are at work.  Studies show that while at leisure, people fall into the range known as “apathy.”  They feel passive, weak, dull, and dissatisfied.

There is one more surprising finding here:  The above respondents, despite their “greater well-being”, ironically reported that they’d rather be somewhere else than at work.  The reason for this is that our culture has gradually created some very strong stereotypes about work, such as:  Work is an imposition, a constraint, an infringement of their freedom, and therefore something to be avoided.  (Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi “Flow:  Psychology of Optimal Experience”)

So, as a coach, when someone complains to you about how difficult it is to achieve what they want to achieve, and they insist that it should be easier – Remind them that everyone would be happy, confident, and successful if fulfillment was easily achieved.  Assign them the task of asking the happiest, most confident, successful people they know, how they got there.

I guarantee that the answer would be a long list of trials, failures, starts and stops, and difficulty.  Welcome to the life of a happy person!

Ralph Marston said it this way:

“If it were quick and easy you would have already done it.  The fact that it is difficult and time-consuming means you’re doing something truly worthwhile.  The value of any achievement is built with the time and effort you put into it.  Keep going, keep building, keep at it and you’ll truly have something of great value.  It is often difficult to stay positively focused.  And it is always worth the trouble.  Sure, it would be much easier to do nothing.  Yet by doing nothing, you create nothing.  Instead, step forward and do the difficult work that must be done.  With each effort, you are adding more value and substance to the achievement.  Feel the satisfaction as you continue the difficult and rewarding work of building that achievement.  Know that the value has already started coming to life.”

Defining Happiness - Part 2: Coaching

Ben's article opens the door to possibly an entire series of articles.  You see, if we don't understand both the causes and the impact of happiness, we really can't have any influence over anyone.  We must appeal to what really makes people happy to engage them on any meaningful level.

All science around human flourishing can be summed up in one sentence: "It turns out that we are very poor predictors of what makes us happy."  (Seligman, Csikszentmihalyi, and Diener all say in separate writings)

Why are we such poor predictors of what makes us happy?  Basically, it's because we get sidetracked by the ever increasing availability and temptation of short-cuts and instant gratification.  Additionally, volumes of evidence suggests that for the last 60 years we have been told (from teachers, parents, media, friends, and public policy) that happiness is attained by those who increase their pleasurable experiences in both frequency and duration. 

Science, however, tells a different story...  Research shows that this mentality (the belief that we need to do more fun things in life to be happy) leads to an increase in societal and personal depression and anxiety.

Science has found that...ouch, here comes the bad news.. happiness takes work!  It takes character development, delayed gratification, engagement in ones work, strong marriage (this has the highest correlation to happiness), playing an active role in developing ones children, and having goals that are built upon deep beliefs and purpose.

Increasing happiness in ourselves and in others undoubtedly takes work.  But, if your responsibilities include coaching others, the knowledge is invaluable.  You can begin to ask:

1. Are you happy?
2. Let's figure out why or why not? (If I can't help your overall happiness quotient, what's keeping you from moving to another office?
3. What do you believe will make you happy here?
4. How are your goals in this job related to your overall goals in life? 

Side Note:  If the person only focuses on the financial picture, ask them:  How does this fit into your goals for your family, community, or faith?  If your approach strikes them as new and different, let them know that you are dedicated to helping them see the whole picture.  You want them to work hard, but it has to be toward something with more meaning than money (...although this is certainly part of the picture and not at all bad in itself!).

Here is an example of a work-related goal you may elicit:  "I want to be good at what I do, and service my clients better than they have ever been serviced..."  Now that's a goal!  But, again, it takes hard work.  When they succeed, they'll feel deeply satisfied and very grateful to you. 

It will take time, planning, execution, and effort, because remember...there are no shortcuts to happiness!

Defining Happiness

One of the purposes of WorkPuzzle is to facilitate a dialog concerning what makes people flourish in their work.  Typically, we address this topic from a scientific perspective.

Last week, I ran across the transcript of a speech given by Dr. Charles Murray at the 2009 Irving Kristol Lecture in Washington DC.  Dr. Murray is a social scientist and author who is most famously known for his controversial book, The Bell Curve (1994),that discusses the role of intelligence (IQ) in American Culture.

Recently, Dr. Murray has been studying happiness.  He approaches the topic from a government/public policy perspective, and much of what he says is probably beyond the interest of the general public.  You’re welcome to read the whole speech, but I thought it would be helpful to highlight a couple of passages that would liven our WorkPuzzle discussion.

1.  Dr. Murray does a great job of defining happiness:

“I start from this premise:  A human life can have transcendent meaning, with transcendence defined either by one of the world's great religions or one of the world's great secular philosophies.  If transcendence is too big a word, let me put it another way:  I suspect that almost all of you agree that the phrase "a life well-lived" has meaning.  That's the phrase I'll use from now on.

And since happiness is a word that gets thrown around too casually, the phrase I'll use from now on is "deep satisfactions."  I'm talking about the kinds of things that we look back upon when we reach old age and let us decide that we can be proud of who we have been and what we have done.  Or not.

To become a source of deep satisfaction, a human activity has to meet some stringent requirements.  It has to have been important (we don't get deep satisfaction from trivial things).  You have to have put a lot of effort into it (hence the cliché "nothing worth having comes easily").  And you have to have been responsible for the consequences.”

2.  Dr. Murray identifies the arenas in life where happiness are derived:

“There aren't many activities in life that can satisfy those three requirements.  Having been a good parent.  That qualifies.  A good marriage.  That qualifies.  Having been a good neighbor and good friend to those whose lives intersected with yours.  That qualifies.  And having been really good at something--good at something that drew the most from your abilities.  That qualifies.

Let me put it formally:  If we ask what are the institutions through which human beings achieve deep satisfactions in life, the answer is that there are just four:  family, community, vocation, and faith.  Two clarifications:  "Community" can embrace people who are scattered geographically.  "Vocation" can include avocations or causes.

It is not necessary for any individual to make use of all four institutions, nor do I array them in a hierarchy.  I merely assert that these four are all there are.  The stuff of life--the elemental events surrounding birth, death, raising children, fulfilling one's personal potential, dealing with adversity, intimate relationships--coping with life as it exists around us in all its richness--occurs within those four institutions.”

If you have the responsibility of coaching someone, these definitions can be very helpful in coming to a common understanding concerning the nature of happiness in a person’s life.  It is also useful  to have a framework for positioning work (vocation) among the other significant areas from which happiness can be derived.

Navy SEALs Have a "Growth Mindset"

My 14-year old son has a strong interest in the Navy SEALs.  He has read several books about this elite group of warriors and recently wrote a school paper describing their training methodologies.

I read last Friday’s WorkPuzzle article on the “growth mindset” to our family at the breakfast table.  It was an appropriate topic since we often discuss the importance of working hard and improving our abilities.

Upon hearing about the “growth mindset,” my son immediately piped up and said:

“Dad, this is a core principle of Navy SEAL training!  In order to acquire the abilities necessary to be a SEAL, a person must consistently be taken to the edge of their abilities - This makes a person feel like they are going to die.  At this point, those who believe that they can improve, push forward in the training.  Those who don’t have this belief, will voluntarily quit or Drop on Request (DOR).”

This is consistent with what the statistics show:

“SEAL training and duty is voluntary….  Classes typically lose around 70-80% of their trainees - either due to DORs or injuries sustained during training.  The Navy will not release exact numbers, either percentages or raw figures, of the attrition rate for BUD/S…

There is no way to predict what percentage of trainees will DOR during BUD/S.  SEAL instructors say that in every class, approximately 10 percent of the students do not have the physical ability to complete the training, and another 10-15 percent will make it through unless they sustain a serious physical injury.  The other 75-80 percent is "up for grabs."  During one BUD/S class, no one completed the six-month program!”

To make the numbers easy, let’s suppose a class consisted of ten people.  About three of the ten will be disqualified due to physical limitations (injury or lack of ability), and another three will make it through the training and become SEALS.

Why don’t the other four trainees make it?   Because of what is going on inside their mind.  It is not a direct physical limitation, but a mental limitation.  It is a belief that their abilities have reached an upper limit and they can no longer grow to meet the next challenge.  The “growth mindset” is part of what equips a person to see beyond the pain and persevere.

If you have the responsibility of coaching and managing those on your team, then it is likely that many of them are stuck in the belief that they have reached the limits of their abilities.  Help them see that their abilities can grow as their challenges grow.  Like the SEALs, some of them may grow into doing things they never thought possible.

The #1 Essential Belief for Coaches and Managers

I’ve been following the work of Stanford Professor Carol Dweck over the past few years concerning the research topic she calls “growth mindset.”   Her research on this subject is about as compelling for a coach or manager as anything that I have ever seen.

Simply stated, she has shown that people who have a growth mindset believe that they can increase their level of ability and intelligence through hard work.  This is especially true if a person believes they are at an initial disadvantage compared to others.

Dr. Dweck has consistently demonstrated that people who believe their intelligence and abilities are fixed respond dismally to failure. They often feel hopeless and depressed because they believe there is little they can do to change the outcome of their futures.

In the realm of education, she has even discovered that students who are taught about the growth mindset do remarkably better than those who receive traditional skills training (ex. study skills, time management skills, etc.)

It is not difficult to make the connection to the business world.  As a manager, you’ll have a much greater return on the time you spend with your direct reports if you apply these principles.  This may seem counterintuitive, but it is better to assess and build the growth mindset in those you coach than spend time teaching them the skill-based steps to success.

Check out this interview with Dr. Dweck for some interesting perspectives:

Note:  If you're an email subscriber, see the Dr. Dweck video by visiting WorkPuzzle. 

Like anything, you’ll need to internalize these ideas to effectively teach them to those you coach.  Here are some questions you can ask yourself on this topic: 
Do I have the growth mindset or a fixed mindset?

Do I feel anxious and depressed after failing?

Do I avoid tasks because of the fear of failure?

Do I put less effort into tasks because I feel hopeless about making progress?

Do I find that when I’m carrying out a task, I am worried about how good I look at it, rather than what I am learning from it?

Do I miss learning opportunities because of fear of failure?

Coaching in Tough Times: Stop the Worry

Scientists at the forefront of research on happiness and positive functioning have discovered that negative emotion always has the ability (as Martin Seligman describes it) “to trump” positive emotion. He and other researchers suggest that we have to “learn” to keep negative emotion in check and amplify positive feelings.

How do we do that?

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (who I’ve referenced in past articles as the researcher who prominently studies the brain’s state of flow) believes that unless we occupy our minds with directed thoughts, defined goals, and meaningful work, the brain defaults to a state of worry.

He states that in order to escape such psychic entropy, we must build lives that strive to control our thoughts and guide our attention to activities which provide psychological flow.   These are the activities that give positive feedback, demand concentration, require skill development, and strengthen our sense of purpose and achievement.

“… with nothing to do, the mind is unable to prevent negative thoughts from elbowing their way to center stage. Worries about one’s love life, health, investments, family, and job are always hovering at the periphery of attention, waiting until there is nothing pressing that demands concentration. As soon as the mind is ready to relax, zap! The potential problems that were waiting in the wings take over.” (Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, 1990)

This evidence is consistent with every study done on resilience and survival. The only way to stave off worry and depression is to do build meaning and purpose into your life.   This means setting goals and building an action plan to reach those goals.  Not only does this make us less worrisome, we’re also happier under these conditions.

If you’re coaching or mentoring, build this belief system into your philosophy.

If you’re the one worrying, then spend some time reconnecting to your with your own sense of personal meaning and purpose.  Then get busy putting that purpose into action.   Remember, relaxation is only as good as the work you put in to truly feel you deserved it.

What Can Salmon Fishing Teach Us About Recruiting? Part 2

Yesterday, we talked about how effective salmon fishing from anchor can be on rivers like the Columbia.   Although this type of fishing often results in catching large, beautiful fish, it is quite boring and many people do not care for these techniques.

To contrast, let me share the type of fishing my sons and I enjoy.  In Washington State, there are more than 2,500 lakes that are above 2,500 foot elevation.  These “alpine lakes” have trout populations and can only be reached by hiking mountain trails for several miles.

Because the lakes are iced-over for about 9 months of the year, the trout have a short period of time to eat as much as possible.    These fish will pretty much eat anything that moves!   With a fly rod and a couple of enticing imitation bugs, we can catch a lot of fish.  This is exciting fishing because it is visual—you can often see the trout take the fly right before you set the hook.

The problem with this type of fishing is that these fish are small.  Most of the trout are only 9 to 12 inches long and weigh less than a pound.  The Salmon caught on the Columbia using the anchor fishing techniques are quite large; they are over 25 inches long and typically weigh 10 pounds or more.

So, how does this apply to recruiting?  The secret of salmon fishing from anchor is executing a well-designed and tested system.  Eric Linde concludes his video by stating:

“This type of fishing is not difficult, and you will catch fish if you follow the system that I’ve described in this video.   The variables are not that complex.  Just follow the system, and you’ll be successful.”

The same is true for recruiting.   The people who you’d most like to recruit (the big fish) are focused on doing their job and will not pay much attention to your recruiting efforts.    There is often very little feedback offered as you try to interact with these candidates. 

Success happens when you’re in the right place at the right time.   When a candidate gets upset by something in their current job and decides to leave their organization, they typically move to an organization that has systematically built trust and credibility with them over time.  In essence, the successful hiring manager has their lure 18 inches off the bottom, right in front of the fish’s nose when they decide to make a move.

Why don’t people execute recruiting systems like this?  Because, as my son said, “This is the most boring kind of fishing I could imagine.” 

What we’d rather do is fish the alpine lakes.  It is much more exciting to talk with people who are desperate to talk with us.  And it’s emotionally gratifying to see people “take the bait” and listen to everything we say with excitement and interest.  

If you’re fishing for enjoyment, it makes sense to gravitate towards the activities that are most self-fulfilling.  If your livelihood depends upon catching big fish; it is foolish to let yourself be distracted by self-gratifying activities.   It’s better to do the work of a boring system that produces results.

What Can Salmon Fishing Teach Us About Recruiting?

Last week, we spent some time talking about the importance of developing and implementing a strategy for recruiting.  More specifically, we zeroed in on the necessity for the first-level hiring managers to execute consistently.  

Over the weekend, I was feeling under the weather.  I’m not sure whether it was allergies or baseball fatigue (I have four sons playing baseball on four different teams this spring).  Probably a little of both.    The downtime allowed me to do something I don’t normally do—lay on the couch and watch a video.  The video handy was an instructional video on that my 14-year old had borrowed from the library on salmon and steelhead fishing.    I’m sure he picked up this video with the same anticipation that I had when I saw it laying next to the television.  “I’m going to learn the secrets of catching the really big, tough-to-catch fish.”  We were both quite surprised.

The video was produced by Eric Linde.  He is a professional fishing guide on the Columbia River.  The video was not disappointing from a visual perspective.  The Columbia River   Gorge is one of the most beautiful places in the United States.  And, the results were quite remarkable.  Linde knows how to catch these incredibly large fish as they make their way up the Columbia River to spawn.

What surprised me was the comment  my son made after we finished watching:  “Dad, that looks like the most boring type of fishing I could possibly imagine!”

It’s true.  In this type of angling, the objective is to get your lure directly in front of a fish that really has very little interest in eating.  At this stage in their development, the fish are primarily focused on spawning.  So, unless you put something in front of their nose that is particularly annoying, the fish swim past without taking notice.

All this activity happens 18 inches off the bottom of a river that is 20 feet deep and moving very fast.  You can’t see any of the activity with your eyes.    You have to use your other senses to be successful, and a secret that was covered in the video.  This secret not only applies to salmon fishing, but it also applies to recruiting top talent.  More about this, tomorrow.

Coaching for Focus, Attention, and Success

Yesterday, I described the neuroscience regarding the importance of maintaining focus.  Brain research confirms that we can shape how our brains operate and perform by training them to focus intently on the desired end-result.  To do this with the most positive results, we must help the brain stop doing what its oldest parts are trying to do-- keep us alive!

You see, above all else, the brain's primary purpose is to keep us from dying.  How?  The brain does this by focusing on what can go wrong; by focusing on the dangers; by focusing on the obstacles; by focusing on the negative.  This is the brain's default position.

But, unlike other animals, we have this enormous cerebral cortex that surrounds the oldest part of the brain (the lymbic system).  If we always give in to the danger signals that the lymbic system is sending out, we'd rarely take chances, innovate, face rejection, or progress in our development.

Here's an example of how performance can be enhanced by training the brain to filter out obstacles and focus on the goal at hand:

I've been mountain biking for the past 14 years.  I'm by no means an expert, but I get by...  The first thing anyone learns in mountain biking technique 101, is that your bike will go where your eyes are looking.  If your eyes are looking at a tree, you'll hit the tree.  If you're looking at a rock, you'll hit the rock.

Now, your brain actually wants to look at the rock... it's literally screaming at you.. "There's a rock you idiot!  You'd better look at it...and while your at it slow down for crying out loud!" 

There are some people who will never progress in single track mountain biking because they can't train their minds to not look at the rock.  The people who become proficient bikers, are able to train their brain, over time, to focus ahead, around the upcoming curve, toward the open trail...to where they really want to go. 

This task takes discipline and repetition.  Soon your brain has realized, "I am not only staying alive by looking beyond the trees and rocks, I'm having pleasure and success by doing it this way!"

I've heard this same principle applies to race car driving.  At those speeds, you can't look at the wall.  If you do, your dead!

Success for you and those you manage is no different.  If your team is constantly looking at the obstacles, you'll inevitably hit them, head-on.  Likewise, if you're constantly looking at the "bad market," you'll be dragged down by it. 

Success comes to those who can train their team (self included) to look toward the vision, the goals, and the opportunities.  A culture built on this mind-set, is one that will survive and thrive, while the "others" out there will continue to hit trees...  

Coaching For Confidence

It's no secret that managing and coaching those around us can feel futile if those being coached lack confidence in their ability to succeed.  We've all witnessed talented people lose their spark and confidence, begin to wilt, and eventually begin to drop below performance standards.

A few nights ago, on "American Idol" (OK, I admitted I watch it.)  Simon asked a contestant, "Do you think that you can win this?"  Her answer, or lack thereof, proved that she clearly had serious doubts as to whether she could!

An expert on the subject of confidence explains:

"Confidence consists of positive expectations for favorable outcomes.  Confidence influences the willingness to invest - to commit money, time, reputation, emotional energy, or other resources - or to withhold or hedge investment.  This investment, or its absence, shapes the ability to perform.  In that sense, confidence lies at the heart of civilization.  Everything about an economy, a society, an organization, or a team depend on it.  Every step we take, every investment we make, is based on whether we feel we can count on ourselves and others to accomplish what has been promised.  Confidence determines whether our steps – individually or collectivity – are tiny and tentative or big and bold."  (Rosabeth Moss Kanter, Confidence: Leadership and the Psychology of Turnarounds, 2004)

In light of this information, I predict that our American Idol contestant won't make it much further in the competition!

Recruiting people is only the first stage of an ongoing process.  It's your job as a coach, manager, and/or mentor, to bring out the best in others, and that begins with assessing their confidence.  They have to believe that they can succeed in order to succeed.

If they lack confidence, here are some things you can do:

1. Ask them: "Do you believe that you will succeed?"  If they don't, or if they say yes in a tentative manner:

2. Then ask them what they believe the outcome will be if they don't really believe they can achieve their goals?  (Even though my graduate courses were over 23 years ago, I can tell you that those who believed they'd finish and do well, did!  Those who didn't have that confidence, failed!)

3. Once you have them talking about their uncertainty and its impact on their performance:  Ask them to remember a time when they did succeed - big time!  Get them to remember their attitude going into the situation.  What was their level of confidence?  Did they expect success?

5. And lastly, remind them that their best confidence comes when they aren't taking on important tasks and projects to bolster their ego, rather when they are doing it to contribute to clients, co-workers and society at large.  Only under these conditions can one sustain great performance.  Because when things don't go well, it's not about your ego, it's about your contribution!