As a member of the American Psychological Association, I get an annual request for some hefty dues.  The amount is always a bit of a shock.  These are fees I really don’t have to pay.  I could easily drop out of the Association.  But instead, each year, I write the check and send it in.  I have no manager or supervisor to complain to…nobody to negotiate with…just me and the internal conflict:  to pay, or not to pay.  And, like I said, I pay.

I recently had the opportunity to speak to a large group of managers about a related topic:  The real estate industry’s annual problem of dealing with conflicts and negotiations around agent fees.

Managers constantly dread the invariable conversations around defending the value agents are deriving from the fees they pay to their respective companies.  Several months ago, one manager described like this:

“It’s like I’m always on my heels.” 

Being on your heels is never a promising stance if you don’t want to get pushed over.  So, if all managers are on their heels, how does one get back on their toes?

There are several principles that can help you reframe your role and regain your footing when it comes to having these discussions.  Now, much of what I am about to say will require you to dig deep and reflect on your true value to your agents in order to pull this off.  As you’ll see, each ensuing layer of this approach will demand that you reflect more and more about your true core reasons for doing what you do.

(1)  The number one foundational principle is that you must learn to see your role as a semi-neutral party who is sincerely trying to help your agents arrive at the very best decision for themselves, their families and their future.  You’ll be surprised what can happen when you take this role.  What does this look like?

First, neutrality demands that you understand that questioning is normal.  We all have internal doubts about being cheated.  None of us want to pay fees that are unreasonable.

(2)  When you normalize questioning it’s easier to carry out the second principle: Refuse to take sides.  When you refuse to take sides you leave the conflict where it belongs; Inside the head of the person with the conflict (see Anatomy of a Decision).  Only by pushing the conflict (both sides) back into the agent’s head can you begin to help them reveal and weigh both sides, without bringing yourself into a position of defending the opposing view.

We’ve all experienced what I’m referring to.  The same agent who is forcing you to defend the fees, was the very night before defending the fees to his/her spouse, who was complaining about the fees.  We all defend and attack sides depending on who we are speaking to.  So…refuse to play that game.  Once you defend one side, you force your agent to defend the other side.

Remember…for me and my APA dues, there is nobody to complain to.  So, I have to play out the two parts of the argument inside my head.  Both sides present themselves and argue, until it becomes a rational internal discussion of weighing the pros and cons, the benefits and liabilities, and yes – what the Association has done to indirectly (through media PR, research, conference development, technology investment, etc.) ensure that the public has a good perception of Psychologists in general.

I make my best decisions by weighing both sides, by myself.  Some people are capable of doing this, others need someone to facilitate this inner dialogue.   In this case, that someone is you!  In the next edition I’ll share what you can do to further your role as facilitator.

Editor’s Note:  This article was written by Dr. David Mashburn.  Dave is a Clinical and Consulting Psychologist, Partner at Tidemark, Inc. and a regular contributor to WorkPuzzle.  Comments or questions are welcome.  If you’re an email subscriber, reply to this WorkPuzzle email.  If you read the blog directly from the web, you can click the “comments” link below.