If you recruit, coach, mentor or parent others, you will benefit greatly from the next few blogs…  Ask yourself these questions:  How do you deal with failure as a coach?  As a recruiter?  How do you deal with your own failure?

No one likes the feeling of failing – It can be devastating to our egos.  Failure in one area of our life has a way of impacting every other domain.  So, many of us try to avoid failure at all costs.  Consequently, many of your employees and those you are attempting to recruit become frozen in a fear of failure.  So, what is an effective way to address this fear?

There is a rapidly growing body of evidence revealing that failure is not only essential to learning, but can also have a positive effect on our psyches.  The more rapidly you fail, pick yourself up, and then try again, the faster you perfect your skills.  Interestingly, the most successful people attribute their successes to countless failures.

The following is an excerpt from the June edition of Psychology Today:   

“Some psychologists, like the University of Virginia’s Jonathan Haidt, …argue that adversity, setbacks, and even trauma may actually be necessary for people to be happy, successful, and fulfilled.  ‘Post-traumatic growth,’ it’s sometimes called.  Its observers are building a solid foundation under the anecdotes about wildly successful people who credit their accomplishments to earlier failures that pushed them to the edge of the abyss.

Last fall, J.K. Rowling described to a Harvard grad class a perfect storm of failure—broken marriage, disapproval from her parents, poverty that bordered on homelessness—that sent her back to her first dream of writing because she had nothing left to lose.  ‘Failure stripped away everything inessential,’ she said.  ‘It taught me things about myself I could have learned no other way.’

Apple founder Steve Jobs describes three apparent setbacks—dropping out of college, being fired from the company he founded, and being diagnosed with cancer—that ultimately proved portals to a better life.  Each forced him to step back and gain perspective, to see the long view of his life.  ‘I have failed over and over and over again, and that is why I succeed,’ said Michael Jordan—as did Oprah, Walt Disney, Henry Ford, Winston Churchill, and Thomas Edison, in slightly different words.  Indeed, so oft-repeated is the trope that we lose sight of how strange it is.’
 
…’Failing better’ boils down to three things.  It’s a matter of controlling our emotions, adjusting our thinking, and recalibrating our beliefs about ourselves and what we can do in the world.

‘Chess is a game of failure,’ says Bruce Pandolfini, an American chess master known for his work teaching young chess players.  (Sir Ben Kingsley played him in Searching for Bobby Fischer.)  ‘At the beginning, you lose—a lot.  The kids who are going to succeed are the ones who learn to stand it.  A lot of young players find losing so devastating they never adapt, never learn to metabolize that failure and to not take it personally.  But good players lose and then put the game behind them emotionally.’

Pandolfini teaches his students this calming sense of perspective.  The present moment is laid out against the past.  What you see is compared to your memories of what you’ve seen—and mastered—before.  What you have in the end is a kind of coherent story.  He calls it chess instruction, but really, it works with anything.  In fact, it’s not so different from the way writing down your feelings in a journal helps you process failure and move on, a phenomenon demonstrated by James Pennebaker, a psychologist at the University of Texas.

Teachers, studies reveal, can foster resiliency among students, creating students who don’t flinch from failure but actually welcome it as a learning opportunity.”

As a manager, how can you adopt this way of teaching, coaching and encouraging your employees/agents?  How can you begin to teach “chess instruction?”

Tomorrow, I’ll discuss the neuroscience of failure and success… It will have you yearning to fail more!