I’m not sure whether this discussion will help you more with your dating life or your potential success as a recruiter. Since Dr. Phil seems to have a lock on all the sensational topics, I’ll continue to focus on the business side of psychology. 
Building a pipeline of talented people who are resilient and like to work hard is no easy task. We make it far more difficult when we forget the simple rules of interpersonal etiquette.
A good analogy to appropriate expectations when recruiting is to remember the common dos and don’ts of dating (to make this read easier, I’m going to use female pronouns, since I’m a guy)
- Get the guts to ask. Few people ever get married without first getting up the courage to ask someone out. This is also true in recruiting. Your first and only goal initially should be to get together for a brief time.
- Ask about her. Don’t drone on and on about you. How many of you like to hear your date drone on and on about themselves without wanting to know anything about you? This is a bad sign. She’ll quickly know that you desire the relationship for your own purposes and care very little about meeting her needs.
- Know your competition, but don’t put them down. There is nothing wrong with being confident about what you can offer, but be careful in being negative about the competition. If you began to slander your date’s friends, she will probably be disgusted by your lack of character and drop you like a rock. You can’t repel and attract at the same time.
- Get the next date- but don’t ask her to get married. You would never dream of scaring your first date with an offer to tie the knot. She would freak out and never see you again! Move slowly with a constant assessment of where she is in the process of relationship building and proceed accordingly.
- When you sense you know that you can meet her needs, ask for the commitment. There is a time and place to ask for the person to come on board and challenge them to do what is necessary to make the commitment, i.e. “forsaking all others”. Don’t chicken-out here. If she says no, you can still continue to date.
- DO remember that, unlike dating (for most people), you can date several people at the same time. By having a way to track your full pipeline of prospects, you don’t have to feel terribly disappointed by any one reaction. Always have plenty of people who represent the entire “dating” process from first date to close.
- Never treat people as objects. Treating people like objects is never a good idea. People have a sixth sense about this. If you’re dating a person who is fairly desperate for a relationship, she might put up with this for a while. But sooner or later, she’ll leave. Most people can sense that you have no interest in them beyond what they are generating for you and your organization.
By having a way to track your full pipeline of prospects, you don’t have to feel terribly disappointed by any one reaction. Always have plenty of people who represent the entire “dating” process from first date to close.
If you’re struggling with these concepts, you may need to do some remedial work to reset your framework for these types of interactions.
The first step it to examine yourself. Do you treat those who work in your organization with little regard for who they are as individuals? Or, do those around you know that you’re interested in their growth for their sake and the sake of the company? If you’re unsure, ask a few people who you can trust to give you an honest answer. If you do have this tendency there is always a very simple rule of thumb to apply in every interaction. “How would I like to be treated if I were in the other person’s shoes?”
The second step is to consider whether you’re patient. Remember that “impatience” is the fruit of pride. We want others to be patient with us. We want others to be interested in our strengths and how we use them daily. We want others to be curious about us as people who have lives outside of the office. It only makes sense to extend these courtesies to those around us.
If you want to build an environment of attachment and performance, you need to seriously consider how to shape your own strengths around the above solution. The real trick is keeping it up after the dating and during the marriage.
