I certainly can see how the title of this blog got your attention.  And no…the shrink is not suicidal.  The title of this blog actually represents an awareness that I developed over time that has helped me lead a more contented life.  Let me explain…

Beginning in early childhood, we all become aware of the many gifts, talents, interests, and competencies that are represented in the many people that surround us. The number and vastness of these can be staggering and somewhat intimidating.  Children want them all.  They want to master everything.

This desire to become more than we are doesn’t stop in childhood.  In fact, an essential step to becoming a healthy adult not only involves understanding who you ARE, but just as importantly, knowing and understanding who you are NOT.  Pop psychologists like to talk about “being yourself.”  Being successful in this endeavor requires that you understand what isn’t you, and stop trying to be that.  Now let me warn you…this can be a bummer.

Perhaps you’ve seen people travel the world and are envious as they return from their trips with amazing stories of adventure.  So, you plan and pay for your own trip, but fail to feel any level of enjoyment.  In fact you might feel more stressed than invigorated.  For you, great joy is found in lying by a pool and reading a book about foreign lands.

This is just one example, but it holds true with just about everything:  An athlete wishes she was a good businessperson, while an accountant wishes he was an athlete.  A song writer wishes he had a steady job, and a CEO wishes she was an artist.  To be honest with oneself and admit that “That’s not me” can be kind of a bummer.  In doing so, one realizes one’s finiteness, one’s limitations, and one’s boundaries.  There is nothing wrong with a little sadness around this.

However, through the grief you can achieve more freedom and concentrated effort to do what you do really well, do it more deliberately, and enjoy it even more because you aren’t secretly fighting internally what you believe you “ought” to be doing.   

I recently heard Steve Miller (of the Steve Miller Band) comment about his recent album in an interview.  He was asked, “Why didn’t you write any new songs for this album, and instead covered old blues tunes?”  His answer was priceless:  He said “People of my age (he’s 68 years old) can do a lot of things really well, but generally we can’t write good songs, so I just played to music that I love the most.”

In realizing his limitations, Steve Miller put out a highly respected album that I predict will sell very well.

So, remember to spend some time separating the things that you really enjoy doing from the things that you don’t.  Really try to figure out the things that you are good at, and the things you aren’t.  It may be initially a bummer to say, “This is me,” but in the long run you’ll channel your efforts well.

Editor’s Note:  This article was written by Dr. David Mashburn.  Dave is a Clinical and Consulting Psychologist, Partner at Tidemark, Inc. and a regular contributor to WorkPuzzle.  Comments or questions are welcome.  If you’re an email subscriber, reply to this WorkPuzzle email.  If you read the blog directly from the web, you can click the “comments” link below.