WorkPuzzle

Five Ways To Become A Positive Leader

In a recent opening address, as keynote speaker, Dr. Barbara Fredrickson (whom I have referred to before), explored the idea of positivity in leadership, and its direct and powerful impact upon creativity and performance.  The teachers I remember, the bosses who had the most influence, and the leaders I respected and wanted to follow, were never, ever perfect people.  But, they were generally positive people.

Here is Dr. Fredrickson's researched list of ways to create a positive, creative, productive environment:   

1. Be Open

2. Be Appreciative

3. Be Curious

4. Be Kind

5. Be Real – no false pretenses of positivity

The above isn't rocket science.  Pick the one that is your weakest and spend one week working to develop its expression.

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Editor's Note:  This article was written by Dr. David Mashburn.  Dave is a Clinical and Consulting Psychologist, Partner at Tidemark, Inc. and a regular contributor to WorkPuzzle.  Comments or questions are welcome.  If you're an email subscriber, reply to this WorkPuzzle email.  If you read the blog directly from the web, you can click the "comments" link below.  

How to Better Track the Tasks You Delegate to Others

If you've ever delegated something, only to later find out that the person dropped the ball, this blog is for you.  I have become a huge fan of Michael Hyatt - He is full of helpful advice about practical, everyday problems we all face.

Here's what he has to say in a recent blog entry about his philosophy, advice and tips around delegating:

"Perhaps you may have heard the adage, 'What gets measured gets improved.'  I would propose a parallel principal: 'What gets tracked, gets done.'  This is especially true when it comes to delegation.

Early in my career, I had an experience that burned this into my psyche.  As a first-time supervisor, I didn’t want to be guilty of micro-managing my staff.  I had been managed this way, and found it to be incredibly demotivating.  As a result, I went to the opposite extreme:  I delegated tasks and never followed up.

One day I was sitting in a marketing meeting with one of my company’s authors.  I was his marketing director.  In a previous meeting, I had committed to him that I would follow-up on a problem he had with a report we had sent him.  I told him I didn’t know the answer, but that I would research it, and share what I learned at the next meeting.  I delegated the task to one of my staff members—and forgot about it.

In the meeting, the author, who was a copious note-taker, started out the meeting by asking me to report on the issue from the previous meeting.  I looked at the colleague to whom I had delegated the task and watched the color drain from his face.  It was obvious to everyone that he had not completed the assignment.  It was a very awkward moment.

It would be easy to blame him—and I did.  But as the leader of my department, I was also responsible.  I was the one who made the commitment, and delegating to someone else, didn’t erase my own accountability.  I was embarrassed and purposed that I would never find myself in that situation again.

Over the course of the next few years, I learned that I had to make delegation work - I had to take five steps:

1.  Assign the task to one person.  Ask them to confirm that they understand the assignment and have accepted responsibility for it.  Until this is done, the handoff is not complete.  In football, it’s called a 'fumble.'

2.  Articulate a specific outcome.  In other words, what exactly are you expecting the other person to deliver to you or for you?  I always start the assignment with a verb (e.g., 'Call,' 'Notify,' 'Write,' 'Order,' etc.) and finish it with an objective deliverable.  You have to be able to tell whether the task was completed as assigned.

3.  Include your delivery timetable.  Some projects have hard fast deadlines.  For example, I might tell someone I need a task done by 'The close of business on Friday.' Others are not as time sensitive.  I might say I need a task done, 'anytime in the next two weeks.'  Regardless, you have to express your expectations and be clear.

4.  Make yourself available for consultation.  You want to be a resource, but you don’t want to micro-manage the other person.  The best way to do this is to stay focused on the outcome rather than the process.  I personally don’t care how the other person gets the job done (assuming it is ethical); I only care about the end-result.

5.  Track the delegated task on a to-do list.  This is crucial.  Not everyone you delegate to will have a good task management system in place.  Perhaps those directly under your supervision will—because you trained them—but what about the others?

There are at least four ways to track delegated assignments:

1.  Use a page in your journal.  This is the simplest, most low-tech solution.  I used it for years and still know people who prefer it to automated solutions.  If you are using a Moleskine Notebook, you can dedicate several pages at the end of the notebook.  Divide each page into three-columns.  In the first column, note the date you made the assignment.  In the second column, note the first name of the person to whom you delegated the task, then the task itself. In the third column, note the due date (if any).  I don’t use a due dates unless a specific date is mission-critical.

2.  Use Outlook, Entourage, or Mail folders.  Nearly all of the assignments I delegate happen via email.  If I make an assignment in a meeting, I follow-up with an email confirmation.  Regardless, an easy way to keep track of these assignments is simply to drag a copy of the sent message to a 'Waiting For' folder.  If you need to check in on the status of a project, you can forward the original message to the person you delegated it to as a reminder of the assignment, and ask them for a progress report.  When the task is complete, you can delete the message from the folder.

3.  Use Outlook, Entourage, or Mail tasks.  This kicks the level of automation up a notch.  It puts your delegated tasks in the same spot that all of your other to-do lists are, so you will be more likely to review them.  If you follow David Allen’s methodology as recommended in Getting Things Done (a.k.a., “GTD”), you can set up an '@Waiting For' task category.  In the Task field itself, you type the name of the person, a dash, the assignment, another dash, and the date you made the assignment.  

For example:

Category  /  Task  /  Due Date
@Waiting For Lindsey /  Notify Andy Andrews contest winners – 1Jul /  6Jul 
@Waiting For Vicki  /  Renew my Admiral’s Club Membership – 7Jul  / 1Aug
@Waiting For David /  Review Jesse Sparks book proposal – 6Jul  /   6Aug

If you want to explore this methodology in greater depth, I highly recommend that you buy one of David Allen’s Setup Guides.  It will walk you through the process of using GTD on Outlook, Entourage, and Lotus Notes.  Even if you use Apple Mail, as I do, you can learn a ton from the Entourage guide.

4.  Use a dedicated task manager.  This is the method I personally use now.  A dedicated task manager is a more robust tool than any of the ones I have mentioned above.  I am personally using Things for Mac.  Nozbe is also excellent, as is OmniFocus.  There are literally dozens of others.  I have written an AppleScript that allows me to delegate a task via email and add it to things automatically as a Waiting For task.  (I hope to share this in a future blog post.)

Someone once defined delegation as 'the art of getting things done through other people.'  This is true, but only if you track the tasks you assign to others and make sure they are completed as assigned."

In addition to Michael's tips, here's one of my own:  We at Tidemark use Basecamp for all of our projects and delegation thereof.  In fact I'm writing this blog within the confines of Basecamp.  It will then go to our editor, Lisa, via an email alert, then back to me, then finally back to her to launch.  All very seamless.  With a well-functioning system, the number of potential fumbles is reduced dramatically.

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Editor's Note:  This article was written by Dr. David Mashburn.  Dave is a Clinical and Consulting Psychologist, Partner at Tidemark, Inc. and a regular contributor to WorkPuzzle.  Comments or questions are welcome.  If you're an email subscriber, reply to this WorkPuzzle email.  If you read the blog directly from the web, you can click the "comments" link below.  

Why Understanding Generation Y Can Help Your Business

The first marketers to clearly understand the needs of baby boomers have become enormously successful.  Starbucks is a prime example.  The company capitalized on the fact that boomers had generally become isolated adults who had left the community life that they loved so dearly in the 60's, pursued material wealth, and yearned for community life (without any commitment) once again.  Starbucks also figured out that boomers love being catered to and will pay dearly for it.  Voila!  $4 cup of coffee to schmooze with people you don't know for 20 minutes!

I predict that the marketers who tap the needs of Generation Y (those born between 1977 and 1997), will also do very well.  I'm not sure exactly what that looks like within real estate, but let's look at some characteristics of this age group and see if it reveals some clues.  The following was garnered from an article in Suite 101.

"Generation Y is extremely comfortable with technology.  This is the first generation that has no real memory of life without computers, cell phones, and digital music, and members of Generation Y laugh at people who don’t have these technologies.  Walk around any college campus between classes, and you might see half of the students talking on their phones or listening to their iPods (or doing this during class, which drives professors crazy).

Generation Y is cynical.  Baby boomers started out optimistic and politically involved, but became disillusioned during the turbulent 1960s.  Generation Y started out disillusioned.  They came of age during events such as 9/11 and the Monica Lewinsky scandal, and have little trust in government or other authority figures.

Generation Y has a non-existent attention span.  College students have always gotten bored easily, but the attention span of this group is especially low.  This is a generation of remote controls, hyperlinks, MTV, Facebook, and endless hi-tech college student distractions.  Professors have their work cut out for them.

Generation Y loves consumerism.  Advertisers love Generation Y because they are such a large demographic group, and because young people are easier to market to than older ones.  Thus, Generation Y has grown up accustomed to businesses trying to win their favor.  In the U.S., this is the first generation who grew up with advertisements all over their high schools and fast food in the school cafeteria.

Generation Y is more diverse than previous generations.  Throughout much of the world, young people have grown up accustomed to racial and religious integration, and more and more people are of mixed race or ethnicity.  This generation grew up watching Will and Grace, and homosexuality has won more acceptance than ever before.

Generation Y is used to chaos.  Young people today expect they will have to deal with a confusing global economy, political crises, and social transformations.  But unlike previous generations, they are used to this.  They expect to have multiple careers, homes, and social circles throughout their lifetimes.  This generation follows the REM motto:  'It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.'"

Ponder the above for a while and let me know if you figure out ways that this information will impact real estate and business in general.  Also, think about how to best recruit and retain Generation Y agents.

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Editor's Note:  This article was written by Dr. David Mashburn.  Dave is a Clinical and Consulting Psychologist, Partner at Tidemark, Inc. and a regular contributor to WorkPuzzle.  Comments or questions are welcome.  If you're an email subscriber, reply to this WorkPuzzle email.  If you read the blog directly from the web, you can click the "comments" link below.  

Five Reasons To Know Your Weaknesses

In last week's blogs (1,2) I wrote about the vital importance of knowing your weaknesses.  My general point was that it's really an essential piece of anyone's evolution to success.  Smart and successful people figure this out and surround themselves with people who are more skilled than they are, in the areas that they are lacking.

One of the reasons I was attracted to becoming a partner at Tidemark is that Ben Hess (founding partner and Managing Director) told me that his goal was to "surround myself with people smarter than me."  Now we both knew what he really meant; not that I was smarter, but that I was smarter at certain things that he lacked.  In fact I have never been in the presence of four people (My Tidemark partners) who are so different in the skills they offer.

The way Ben accomplished his goal of rounding out a successful partnership, was to fill in the gaps where his skills were lacking.  He couldn't have done this without some serious awareness regarding his weaknesses.

So here are five reasons to know your weaknesses:

1. Knowing your weaknesses will free up more time to develop your strengths.
2. Knowing your weaknesses will liberate you to ask for help where help is needed.
3. Knowing your weaknesses will help you delegate, hire, or surround yourself with people who will enjoy doing the things you don't.
4. Knowing your weaknesses will help you find and make your best contribution.
5. Knowing your weaknesses will make your life and your business more productive.

Now, remember, we'll all have to do things we aren't good at or don't like doing.  That's just a fact of life - There are things that you simply must do.  But doing them with awareness can help you set aside time to do them first and get them out of the way.  Then you're freed up to get on to the fun stuff. 

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Editor's Note:  This article was written by Dr. David Mashburn.  Dave is a Clinical and Consulting Psychologist, Partner at Tidemark, Inc. and a regular contributor to WorkPuzzle.  Comments or questions are welcome.  If you're an email subscriber, reply to this WorkPuzzle email.  If you read the blog directly from the web, you can click the "comments" link below.  

One More Rule for Success

If you could boil down rules for success to only one, what would it be?

Over the course of the last two years we've frequently discussed the value of knowing and exercising one's strengths.  Regarding my last blog, "One Key To Happiness:  Being ME Can Be A Bummer," I was asked by a reader if what I said applies to success as well.  Just to remind you...in the blog, I built a case for the importance of coming to terms with who you aren't, and argued that it is equally, if not more important, than knowing who you are.

Have you ever noticed that the most successful people have no reservations about stating their weaknesses?  They are at perfect peace saying, "I'm terrible at..." this or that.  They know as much about where they are weak, as they do about where they are strong.

It seems to me that people who haven't experienced much success in business or in life know very little about their strengths and weaknesses.  The reason is that people in the above category haven't taken on enough risk or experimented sufficiently with with their work life to build awareness around where they shine and where they flounder, where they succeed and where they fail.

It's unfortunate, but our educational system is set up in a way that individuals can't figure this out in school.  It's generally young adults who want engaging work and perhaps even purposely set out to figure out what they are good at, who slowly learn that what they want to do doesn't necessarily mesh with their strengths.  Only then do they begin to understand who they are and what their true strengths and weaknesses are.

Often what we are good at isn't really what we enjoy... and what we enjoy, we may not be good at.  But when we hone in on the overlap... Eureka!

Here are some examples from my own family:  My oldest son is in commercial production work.  He has realized that he enjoys the conceptualization and creative end more than the editing and production details.  My next son is a salesman for a radio station and realizes he enjoys "closing deals."  He says, "I love overcoming objections.. if I could do that all day I'd be happy." (No, I'm not giving you his contact info.)  But, he doesn't like fulfilling orders, producing the ads, etc.  My recently graduated daughter is just starting in PR work, and is just beginning to discover what she doesn't like and/or is not good at. 

As a manager, do you know your weaknesses?  Do you know the weaknesses of your agents and staff?  How often do you talk about them?

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Editor's Note:  This article was written by Dr. David Mashburn.  Dave is a Clinical and Consulting Psychologist, Partner at Tidemark, Inc. and a regular contributor to WorkPuzzle.  Comments or questions are welcome.  If you're an email subscriber, reply to this WorkPuzzle email.  If you read the blog directly from the web, you can click the "comments" link below.  

One Key to Happiness: Being "ME" can be Bummer

I certainly can see how the title of this blog got your attention.  And no...the shrink is not suicidal.  The title of this blog actually represents an awareness that I developed over time that has helped me lead a more contented life.  Let me explain...

Beginning in early childhood, we all become aware of the many gifts, talents, interests, and competencies that are represented in the many people that surround us. The number and vastness of these can be staggering and somewhat intimidating.  Children want them all.  They want to master everything.

This desire to become more than we are doesn't stop in childhood.  In fact, an essential step to becoming a healthy adult not only involves understanding who you ARE, but just as importantly, knowing and understanding who you are NOT.  Pop psychologists like to talk about "being yourself."  Being successful in this endeavor requires that you understand what isn't you, and stop trying to be that.  Now let me warn you...this can be a bummer.

Perhaps you've seen people travel the world and are envious as they return from their trips with amazing stories of adventure.  So, you plan and pay for your own trip, but fail to feel any level of enjoyment.  In fact you might feel more stressed than invigorated.  For you, great joy is found in lying by a pool and reading a book about foreign lands.

This is just one example, but it holds true with just about everything:  An athlete wishes she was a good businessperson, while an accountant wishes he was an athlete.  A song writer wishes he had a steady job, and a CEO wishes she was an artist.  To be honest with oneself and admit that "That's not me" can be kind of a bummer.  In doing so, one realizes one's finiteness, one's limitations, and one's boundaries.  There is nothing wrong with a little sadness around this.

However, through the grief you can achieve more freedom and concentrated effort to do what you do really well, do it more deliberately, and enjoy it even more because you aren't secretly fighting internally what you believe you "ought" to be doing.   

I recently heard Steve Miller (of the Steve Miller Band) comment about his recent album in an interview.  He was asked, "Why didn't you write any new songs for this album, and instead covered old blues tunes?"  His answer was priceless:  He said "People of my age (he's 68 years old) can do a lot of things really well, but generally we can't write good songs, so I just played to music that I love the most."

In realizing his limitations, Steve Miller put out a highly respected album that I predict will sell very well.

So, remember to spend some time separating the things that you really enjoy doing from the things that you don't.  Really try to figure out the things that you are good at, and the things you aren't.  It may be initially a bummer to say, "This is me," but in the long run you'll channel your efforts well.

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Editor's Note:  This article was written by Dr. David Mashburn.  Dave is a Clinical and Consulting Psychologist, Partner at Tidemark, Inc. and a regular contributor to WorkPuzzle.  Comments or questions are welcome.  If you're an email subscriber, reply to this WorkPuzzle email.  If you read the blog directly from the web, you can click the "comments" link below.  

How To Retain Your Top Performers

After working out at my local sports club, I couldn't help but notice 20 guys, all Microsofties (this is Redmond Wa.), standing around the locker room TV, watching the final moments of the USA vs. Algeria World Cup game.  A few minutes later, I heard a terrific howl of celebration.  It was obvious that we had scored, and that scoring was a big deal.  What I found interesting is that I had this huge smile on my face just from witnessing the excitement of the crowd and knowing that people were invigorated in celebrating the win.

There is something about celebration that lifts the human spirit...something that is distinctly human.

How deliberate are you in celebrating small successes in your office?  How important is celebrating?  I'm not sure that I have seen research on the subject, but I have seen research on the benefits of positive emotion for growth and success.

Bob Nelson, founder of Nelson Motivation Inc. and Vice President of Blanchard Training and Development Inc., a San Diego-based consulting company, explains that keeping people happy is very simple, and cost-effective.  He says that the people you manage will not only try to work harder and give customers better service, they will tend to stay in their current jobs longer.  We know how important and cost-effective that is.  In his book, 1001 Ways to Reward Employees, Nelson explains:

"Part of the power of such rewards comes from the knowledge that someone took the time to notice the achievement…and personally deliver the praise.”

I think the following is one of his best suggestions:

“Call someone into your office just to thank him or her; don’t discuss any other issue.”

By doing this you're demonstrating that you value the person's well-being and success.  The key is to avoid bringing up any other issue.  Doing so might take away from what you've just recognized.

Despite the power of recognition noted in recent surveys, only 25 percent of employees believe that their managers express daily appreciation, whether it be by note or an in-person thank you.  Unless you are among the few who already do this, flag your calendar to remind yourself to be deliberate in recognizing your employees, daily.

How much does it cost to take the time and effort to offer people spontaneous acts of gratitude and appreciation?

I guarantee that it costs a lot less than looking for a replacement...

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Editor's Note:  This article was written by Dr. David Mashburn.  Dave is a Clinical and Consulting Psychologist, Partner at Tidemark, Inc. and a regular contributor to WorkPuzzle.  Comments or questions are welcome.  If you're an email subscriber, reply to this WorkPuzzle email.  If you read the blog directly from the web, you can click the "comments" link below.  

Forget What You’ve Learned From Motivational Speakers: Doubt Yourself

How many times have you attended one of those motivational seminars where the presenter attempts to "pump you up" with the belief that greatness resides inside of you?  And, all you have to do is convince yourself (through self-talk) that it is there, and it will be "released" into your life.

 

As you might have suspected, positive self-talk is not as effective as your motivational guru promised.  In fact, you may do better doubting yourself, rather than trying to talk yourself toward greatness. 

 

A few months ago, I wrote a series (1,2,3) on Daniel Pink’s latest book called Drive.  If you haven’t read these articles, you may want to catch up on his compelling discoveries concerning motivation.  Pink recently uncovered another research study that defies conventional wisdom on this topic.

 

This study was reported in the London Telegraph over the weekend and was originally conducted at the University of Illinois. 

"In a nifty set of experiments, three social scientists explored the differences between what they call 'declarative' self-talk (I will fix it!) and 'interrogative' self-talk (Can I fix it?).  They began by presenting a group of participants with some anagrams to solve (for example, rearranging the letters in 'sauce' to spell 'cause'.)

But before the participants tackled the problem, the researchers asked one half of them to take a minute to ask themselves whether they would complete the task – and the other half to tell themselves that they would complete the task.

The results?  The self-questioning group solved significantly more anagrams than the self-affirming group."

In a second, follow-up study, the initial finding was validated by the results of a new experiment:

"We told participants that we were interested in people's handwriting practices.  With this pretence, participants were given a sheet of paper to write down 20 times one of the following word pairs:  Will I, I will, I, or Will.  Then they were asked to work on a series of 10 anagrams in the same way participants in Experiment One did.

 

The outcome was the same.  People 'primed' with Will I solved nearly twice as many anagrams as people in the other three groups.  In subsequent experiments, the basic pattern held.  Those who approached a task with questioning self-talk did better than those who began with affirming self-talk.

 

‘Setting goals and striving to achieve them assumes, by definition, that there is a discrepancy between where you are and where you want to be.  When you doubt, you probably achieve the right mindset,‘ explained one of the researchers.  ‘In addition, asking questions forces you to define if you really want something and probably think about what you want, even in the presence of obstacles.'"

These findings have a direct and immediate application to your business.  If you have responsibility for coaching those on your team, teach them to ask questions about their abilities and to contemplate their chances of success.  

"People who ask questions come from a more humble place, which creates space to come up with a deeper solution.  In other words, questions open and declarations close.  We need both, of course.  But that initial tincture of honest doubt turns out to be more powerful than a bracing shot of certainty."

If you are a hiring manager, integrate this principle into your interviews.  Ask your candidates how they approach difficult tasks.  If you get back a response that highlights their bravado...it’s a red flag.  Those who are truly successful will likely be more humble.

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Editor's Note:  This article was written by Ben Hess.  Ben is the Founding Partner and Managing Director of Tidemark, Inc. and a regular contributor to WorkPuzzle.  Comments or questions are welcome.  If you're an email subscriber, reply to this WorkPuzzle email.  If you read the blog directly from the web, you can click the "comments" link below. 

Office growth principles: Letting the game come to you

Over the past few blogs, we've provided several ways of addressing occasional questions that arise over the value of fees paid by agents.  In my last blog, I shared details about my own journey of developing a private practice, and some principles I developed to make my approach to discussing fees more solid and less defensive.

The principles are:

1. The fee is never the real problem.  Figure out the problem.  Always assume that the fee discussion is a discussion about something else.  Figure out what the complaints are underneath the surface complaint, and ask what it would take to experience value.

2. Always do business with clients who appreciate the value of my work for them.  In my third or fourth year of business, I decided to never again do business with people who are constantly finding things to complain about.

As I previously mentioned, applying these principles early and consistently has had an amazing impact on my practice over time.  It grew to become a practice that needed no advertising or promotion to sustain itself.

Confidence is an incredibly powerful trait.  Now when I say confidence, I don't mean cockiness, arrogance, or in any way believing that one is above others or is above making mistakes.

What I mean by confidence is an interesting mix of knowing your craft so well that you can be a tremendous resource to those who need it, yet not feeling the need to prove it.  When you reach this level of confidence, you have the freedom to ask intelligent questions - questions that others may have never considered.  But, if your focus is on forcing the issue of your knowledge or value, ironically, you begin to lose ground.

It's very much like watching a veteran, professional athlete who is comfortable "letting the game come to them" rather than forcing themselves to do too much. 

Once I began operating from this stance, I was freed up to ask probing, non-defensive questions any time someone had a complaint, which allowed a free flow of information to be exchanged, getting to the real issues.

This approach has helped me to clarify, in each circumstance, whether I am working with someone who is going to be forever unreasonable, or whether the person is capable of actually talking through their complaints.  As a result, I never get too far into a relationship with anyone who won't appreciate the value they are getting.  I build raving fans without doing much outside of what I have mentioned in my last few articles.

The greatest performers, in any field, do this well.  Their confidence and experience allows them to not force anything, be non-defensive about their value, ask questions, probe... and as a result surround themselves with people they enjoy being around - people who are meant to be there.

If you are new, I recommend you talk often with a veteran manager who does this well...someone who has a thriving office of agents who are loyal performers and teammates.  Achieving this level of confidence and learning to "let the game come to you" are some of the most essential elements of being a great manager.

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Editor's Note:  This article was written by Dr. David Mashburn.  Dave is a Clinical and Consulting Psychologist, Partner at Tidemark, Inc. and a regular contributor to WorkPuzzle.  Comments or questions are welcome.  If you're an email subscriber, reply to this WorkPuzzle email.  If you read the blog directly from the web, you can click the "comments" link below.  

Fear and Loathing: More on Disgruntlement Over Fees

Over the past few weeks, Ben and I have written two articles (1,2) about effectively addressing agent complaints regarding fees.  We have come to understand that this subject poses ongoing challenges that require some wisdom to handle correctly.  In my last article on the subject, I promised to further discuss the topic from a personal perspective.  So, here it goes...

In 1987, I was 27 years old, had just earned my doctorate, had two boys in diapers, $3,000 in the bank, and a hefty student loan to repay.  My only asset was the smallest version of a Honda Civic you've ever seen, when my wife and I had the bright idea of moving to Seattle to open my private practice in clinical psychology.

You may be wondering what a psychology practice has in common with a real estate office.  Hang with me....I believe there are some principles that can be applied here...

Despite being brazen enough to open a practice in an area where I had few contacts, there are a few things I did right.  I hit the ground running, taking potential referral sources out to breakfast or lunch to build a network.  In other words, I was quickly dwindling down my 3k by treating already successful people like physicians, pastors, attorneys, and other shrinks to lunches they could afford, and I couldn't.  This has nothing to do with what I'm wanting to convey, I just like remembering the fact that I was once that much of a risk taker...

And, I did a few things wrong—Namely reducing fees for people who complained loud and often enough about them.  This occurs more often than you think.  I was actually told to do this to help build my practice.  However, it proved to be a huge mistake that I think we can all learn from.

(Skip forward 3 years - Building my practice...)

My practice was almost full and I was gaining confidence in my skills, when a client I was treating (the wife in a husband/wife duo) began to complain about being charged for a late cancellation fee I had applied for the previous week's missed appointment.  Now, prior to this, I would have immediately defended my position, showed her the signed form agreeing to pay under those conditions and most likely, in the end, tucked my tail between my legs and deleted the charge.

But this time was different.  I noticed that the husband was looking uncomfortable with the conflict that his wife and I were having.  Somehow, that gave me the courage to simply ask more questions.  Asking questions about her frustration proved to be the key to unlocking enormous hidden conflicts in their marriage around money.  It all began when the husband finally broke his silence and said, “This is sooo typical.  We’re worth 23 million dollars and she persists in being cheap when it doesn’t really matter.”

My questioning elicited information that I would have never gotten to if I had been defensive.  Now remember, as a psychologist, I'm trained to ask questions rather than take comments defensively, but I use to do it anyway when it came to fees.

From that point forward I came to understand two principles that helped me build a lasting and vibrant practice—with a waiting list.

The principles are:

1. The fee is never the real problem.  Figure out the problem.  Always assume that the fee discussion is a discussion about something else.  Figure out what the complaints are underneath the surface complaint, and ask what it would take to experience value.

2. Always do business with clients who appreciate the value of my work for them.  In my third or fourth year of business, I decided to never again do business with people who are constantly finding things to complain about.

An amazing thing happened when I applied these principles.  But, I am out of time today.  I’ll share them with you next time.... (How's that for a teaser!)

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Editor's Note:  This article was written by Dr. David Mashburn.  Dave is a Clinical and Consulting Psychologist, Partner at Tidemark, Inc. and a regular contributor to WorkPuzzle.  Comments or questions are welcome.  If you're an email subscriber, reply to this WorkPuzzle email.  If you read the blog directly from the web, you can click the "comments" link below.