WorkPuzzle

Why Understanding Generation Y Can Help Your Business

The first marketers to clearly understand the needs of baby boomers have become enormously successful.  Starbucks is a prime example.  The company capitalized on the fact that boomers had generally become isolated adults who had left the community life that they loved so dearly in the 60's, pursued material wealth, and yearned for community life (without any commitment) once again.  Starbucks also figured out that boomers love being catered to and will pay dearly for it.  Voila!  $4 cup of coffee to schmooze with people you don't know for 20 minutes!

I predict that the marketers who tap the needs of Generation Y (those born between 1977 and 1997), will also do very well.  I'm not sure exactly what that looks like within real estate, but let's look at some characteristics of this age group and see if it reveals some clues.  The following was garnered from an article in Suite 101.

"Generation Y is extremely comfortable with technology.  This is the first generation that has no real memory of life without computers, cell phones, and digital music, and members of Generation Y laugh at people who don’t have these technologies.  Walk around any college campus between classes, and you might see half of the students talking on their phones or listening to their iPods (or doing this during class, which drives professors crazy).

Generation Y is cynical.  Baby boomers started out optimistic and politically involved, but became disillusioned during the turbulent 1960s.  Generation Y started out disillusioned.  They came of age during events such as 9/11 and the Monica Lewinsky scandal, and have little trust in government or other authority figures.

Generation Y has a non-existent attention span.  College students have always gotten bored easily, but the attention span of this group is especially low.  This is a generation of remote controls, hyperlinks, MTV, Facebook, and endless hi-tech college student distractions.  Professors have their work cut out for them.

Generation Y loves consumerism.  Advertisers love Generation Y because they are such a large demographic group, and because young people are easier to market to than older ones.  Thus, Generation Y has grown up accustomed to businesses trying to win their favor.  In the U.S., this is the first generation who grew up with advertisements all over their high schools and fast food in the school cafeteria.

Generation Y is more diverse than previous generations.  Throughout much of the world, young people have grown up accustomed to racial and religious integration, and more and more people are of mixed race or ethnicity.  This generation grew up watching Will and Grace, and homosexuality has won more acceptance than ever before.

Generation Y is used to chaos.  Young people today expect they will have to deal with a confusing global economy, political crises, and social transformations.  But unlike previous generations, they are used to this.  They expect to have multiple careers, homes, and social circles throughout their lifetimes.  This generation follows the REM motto:  'It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.'"

Ponder the above for a while and let me know if you figure out ways that this information will impact real estate and business in general.  Also, think about how to best recruit and retain Generation Y agents.

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Editor's Note:  This article was written by Dr. David Mashburn.  Dave is a Clinical and Consulting Psychologist, Partner at Tidemark, Inc. and a regular contributor to WorkPuzzle.  Comments or questions are welcome.  If you're an email subscriber, reply to this WorkPuzzle email.  If you read the blog directly from the web, you can click the "comments" link below.  

Five Reasons To Know Your Weaknesses

In last week's blogs (1,2) I wrote about the vital importance of knowing your weaknesses.  My general point was that it's really an essential piece of anyone's evolution to success.  Smart and successful people figure this out and surround themselves with people who are more skilled than they are, in the areas that they are lacking.

One of the reasons I was attracted to becoming a partner at Tidemark is that Ben Hess (founding partner and Managing Director) told me that his goal was to "surround myself with people smarter than me."  Now we both knew what he really meant; not that I was smarter, but that I was smarter at certain things that he lacked.  In fact I have never been in the presence of four people (My Tidemark partners) who are so different in the skills they offer.

The way Ben accomplished his goal of rounding out a successful partnership, was to fill in the gaps where his skills were lacking.  He couldn't have done this without some serious awareness regarding his weaknesses.

So here are five reasons to know your weaknesses:

1. Knowing your weaknesses will free up more time to develop your strengths.
2. Knowing your weaknesses will liberate you to ask for help where help is needed.
3. Knowing your weaknesses will help you delegate, hire, or surround yourself with people who will enjoy doing the things you don't.
4. Knowing your weaknesses will help you find and make your best contribution.
5. Knowing your weaknesses will make your life and your business more productive.

Now, remember, we'll all have to do things we aren't good at or don't like doing.  That's just a fact of life - There are things that you simply must do.  But doing them with awareness can help you set aside time to do them first and get them out of the way.  Then you're freed up to get on to the fun stuff. 

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Editor's Note:  This article was written by Dr. David Mashburn.  Dave is a Clinical and Consulting Psychologist, Partner at Tidemark, Inc. and a regular contributor to WorkPuzzle.  Comments or questions are welcome.  If you're an email subscriber, reply to this WorkPuzzle email.  If you read the blog directly from the web, you can click the "comments" link below.  

One More Rule for Success

If you could boil down rules for success to only one, what would it be?

Over the course of the last two years we've frequently discussed the value of knowing and exercising one's strengths.  Regarding my last blog, "One Key To Happiness:  Being ME Can Be A Bummer," I was asked by a reader if what I said applies to success as well.  Just to remind you...in the blog, I built a case for the importance of coming to terms with who you aren't, and argued that it is equally, if not more important, than knowing who you are.

Have you ever noticed that the most successful people have no reservations about stating their weaknesses?  They are at perfect peace saying, "I'm terrible at..." this or that.  They know as much about where they are weak, as they do about where they are strong.

It seems to me that people who haven't experienced much success in business or in life know very little about their strengths and weaknesses.  The reason is that people in the above category haven't taken on enough risk or experimented sufficiently with with their work life to build awareness around where they shine and where they flounder, where they succeed and where they fail.

It's unfortunate, but our educational system is set up in a way that individuals can't figure this out in school.  It's generally young adults who want engaging work and perhaps even purposely set out to figure out what they are good at, who slowly learn that what they want to do doesn't necessarily mesh with their strengths.  Only then do they begin to understand who they are and what their true strengths and weaknesses are.

Often what we are good at isn't really what we enjoy... and what we enjoy, we may not be good at.  But when we hone in on the overlap... Eureka!

Here are some examples from my own family:  My oldest son is in commercial production work.  He has realized that he enjoys the conceptualization and creative end more than the editing and production details.  My next son is a salesman for a radio station and realizes he enjoys "closing deals."  He says, "I love overcoming objections.. if I could do that all day I'd be happy." (No, I'm not giving you his contact info.)  But, he doesn't like fulfilling orders, producing the ads, etc.  My recently graduated daughter is just starting in PR work, and is just beginning to discover what she doesn't like and/or is not good at. 

As a manager, do you know your weaknesses?  Do you know the weaknesses of your agents and staff?  How often do you talk about them?

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Editor's Note:  This article was written by Dr. David Mashburn.  Dave is a Clinical and Consulting Psychologist, Partner at Tidemark, Inc. and a regular contributor to WorkPuzzle.  Comments or questions are welcome.  If you're an email subscriber, reply to this WorkPuzzle email.  If you read the blog directly from the web, you can click the "comments" link below.  

One Key to Happiness: Being "ME" can be Bummer

I certainly can see how the title of this blog got your attention.  And no...the shrink is not suicidal.  The title of this blog actually represents an awareness that I developed over time that has helped me lead a more contented life.  Let me explain...

Beginning in early childhood, we all become aware of the many gifts, talents, interests, and competencies that are represented in the many people that surround us. The number and vastness of these can be staggering and somewhat intimidating.  Children want them all.  They want to master everything.

This desire to become more than we are doesn't stop in childhood.  In fact, an essential step to becoming a healthy adult not only involves understanding who you ARE, but just as importantly, knowing and understanding who you are NOT.  Pop psychologists like to talk about "being yourself."  Being successful in this endeavor requires that you understand what isn't you, and stop trying to be that.  Now let me warn you...this can be a bummer.

Perhaps you've seen people travel the world and are envious as they return from their trips with amazing stories of adventure.  So, you plan and pay for your own trip, but fail to feel any level of enjoyment.  In fact you might feel more stressed than invigorated.  For you, great joy is found in lying by a pool and reading a book about foreign lands.

This is just one example, but it holds true with just about everything:  An athlete wishes she was a good businessperson, while an accountant wishes he was an athlete.  A song writer wishes he had a steady job, and a CEO wishes she was an artist.  To be honest with oneself and admit that "That's not me" can be kind of a bummer.  In doing so, one realizes one's finiteness, one's limitations, and one's boundaries.  There is nothing wrong with a little sadness around this.

However, through the grief you can achieve more freedom and concentrated effort to do what you do really well, do it more deliberately, and enjoy it even more because you aren't secretly fighting internally what you believe you "ought" to be doing.   

I recently heard Steve Miller (of the Steve Miller Band) comment about his recent album in an interview.  He was asked, "Why didn't you write any new songs for this album, and instead covered old blues tunes?"  His answer was priceless:  He said "People of my age (he's 68 years old) can do a lot of things really well, but generally we can't write good songs, so I just played to music that I love the most."

In realizing his limitations, Steve Miller put out a highly respected album that I predict will sell very well.

So, remember to spend some time separating the things that you really enjoy doing from the things that you don't.  Really try to figure out the things that you are good at, and the things you aren't.  It may be initially a bummer to say, "This is me," but in the long run you'll channel your efforts well.

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Editor's Note:  This article was written by Dr. David Mashburn.  Dave is a Clinical and Consulting Psychologist, Partner at Tidemark, Inc. and a regular contributor to WorkPuzzle.  Comments or questions are welcome.  If you're an email subscriber, reply to this WorkPuzzle email.  If you read the blog directly from the web, you can click the "comments" link below.  

How To Retain Your Top Performers

After working out at my local sports club, I couldn't help but notice 20 guys, all Microsofties (this is Redmond Wa.), standing around the locker room TV, watching the final moments of the USA vs. Algeria World Cup game.  A few minutes later, I heard a terrific howl of celebration.  It was obvious that we had scored, and that scoring was a big deal.  What I found interesting is that I had this huge smile on my face just from witnessing the excitement of the crowd and knowing that people were invigorated in celebrating the win.

There is something about celebration that lifts the human spirit...something that is distinctly human.

How deliberate are you in celebrating small successes in your office?  How important is celebrating?  I'm not sure that I have seen research on the subject, but I have seen research on the benefits of positive emotion for growth and success.

Bob Nelson, founder of Nelson Motivation Inc. and Vice President of Blanchard Training and Development Inc., a San Diego-based consulting company, explains that keeping people happy is very simple, and cost-effective.  He says that the people you manage will not only try to work harder and give customers better service, they will tend to stay in their current jobs longer.  We know how important and cost-effective that is.  In his book, 1001 Ways to Reward Employees, Nelson explains:

"Part of the power of such rewards comes from the knowledge that someone took the time to notice the achievement…and personally deliver the praise.”

I think the following is one of his best suggestions:

“Call someone into your office just to thank him or her; don’t discuss any other issue.”

By doing this you're demonstrating that you value the person's well-being and success.  The key is to avoid bringing up any other issue.  Doing so might take away from what you've just recognized.

Despite the power of recognition noted in recent surveys, only 25 percent of employees believe that their managers express daily appreciation, whether it be by note or an in-person thank you.  Unless you are among the few who already do this, flag your calendar to remind yourself to be deliberate in recognizing your employees, daily.

How much does it cost to take the time and effort to offer people spontaneous acts of gratitude and appreciation?

I guarantee that it costs a lot less than looking for a replacement...

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Editor's Note:  This article was written by Dr. David Mashburn.  Dave is a Clinical and Consulting Psychologist, Partner at Tidemark, Inc. and a regular contributor to WorkPuzzle.  Comments or questions are welcome.  If you're an email subscriber, reply to this WorkPuzzle email.  If you read the blog directly from the web, you can click the "comments" link below.  

Office growth principles: Letting the game come to you

Over the past few blogs, we've provided several ways of addressing occasional questions that arise over the value of fees paid by agents.  In my last blog, I shared details about my own journey of developing a private practice, and some principles I developed to make my approach to discussing fees more solid and less defensive.

The principles are:

1. The fee is never the real problem.  Figure out the problem.  Always assume that the fee discussion is a discussion about something else.  Figure out what the complaints are underneath the surface complaint, and ask what it would take to experience value.

2. Always do business with clients who appreciate the value of my work for them.  In my third or fourth year of business, I decided to never again do business with people who are constantly finding things to complain about.

As I previously mentioned, applying these principles early and consistently has had an amazing impact on my practice over time.  It grew to become a practice that needed no advertising or promotion to sustain itself.

Confidence is an incredibly powerful trait.  Now when I say confidence, I don't mean cockiness, arrogance, or in any way believing that one is above others or is above making mistakes.

What I mean by confidence is an interesting mix of knowing your craft so well that you can be a tremendous resource to those who need it, yet not feeling the need to prove it.  When you reach this level of confidence, you have the freedom to ask intelligent questions - questions that others may have never considered.  But, if your focus is on forcing the issue of your knowledge or value, ironically, you begin to lose ground.

It's very much like watching a veteran, professional athlete who is comfortable "letting the game come to them" rather than forcing themselves to do too much. 

Once I began operating from this stance, I was freed up to ask probing, non-defensive questions any time someone had a complaint, which allowed a free flow of information to be exchanged, getting to the real issues.

This approach has helped me to clarify, in each circumstance, whether I am working with someone who is going to be forever unreasonable, or whether the person is capable of actually talking through their complaints.  As a result, I never get too far into a relationship with anyone who won't appreciate the value they are getting.  I build raving fans without doing much outside of what I have mentioned in my last few articles.

The greatest performers, in any field, do this well.  Their confidence and experience allows them to not force anything, be non-defensive about their value, ask questions, probe... and as a result surround themselves with people they enjoy being around - people who are meant to be there.

If you are new, I recommend you talk often with a veteran manager who does this well...someone who has a thriving office of agents who are loyal performers and teammates.  Achieving this level of confidence and learning to "let the game come to you" are some of the most essential elements of being a great manager.

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Editor's Note:  This article was written by Dr. David Mashburn.  Dave is a Clinical and Consulting Psychologist, Partner at Tidemark, Inc. and a regular contributor to WorkPuzzle.  Comments or questions are welcome.  If you're an email subscriber, reply to this WorkPuzzle email.  If you read the blog directly from the web, you can click the "comments" link below.  

Fear and Loathing: More on Disgruntlement Over Fees

Over the past few weeks, Ben and I have written two articles (1,2) about effectively addressing agent complaints regarding fees.  We have come to understand that this subject poses ongoing challenges that require some wisdom to handle correctly.  In my last article on the subject, I promised to further discuss the topic from a personal perspective.  So, here it goes...

In 1987, I was 27 years old, had just earned my doctorate, had two boys in diapers, $3,000 in the bank, and a hefty student loan to repay.  My only asset was the smallest version of a Honda Civic you've ever seen, when my wife and I had the bright idea of moving to Seattle to open my private practice in clinical psychology.

You may be wondering what a psychology practice has in common with a real estate office.  Hang with me....I believe there are some principles that can be applied here...

Despite being brazen enough to open a practice in an area where I had few contacts, there are a few things I did right.  I hit the ground running, taking potential referral sources out to breakfast or lunch to build a network.  In other words, I was quickly dwindling down my 3k by treating already successful people like physicians, pastors, attorneys, and other shrinks to lunches they could afford, and I couldn't.  This has nothing to do with what I'm wanting to convey, I just like remembering the fact that I was once that much of a risk taker...

And, I did a few things wrong—Namely reducing fees for people who complained loud and often enough about them.  This occurs more often than you think.  I was actually told to do this to help build my practice.  However, it proved to be a huge mistake that I think we can all learn from.

(Skip forward 3 years - Building my practice...)

My practice was almost full and I was gaining confidence in my skills, when a client I was treating (the wife in a husband/wife duo) began to complain about being charged for a late cancellation fee I had applied for the previous week's missed appointment.  Now, prior to this, I would have immediately defended my position, showed her the signed form agreeing to pay under those conditions and most likely, in the end, tucked my tail between my legs and deleted the charge.

But this time was different.  I noticed that the husband was looking uncomfortable with the conflict that his wife and I were having.  Somehow, that gave me the courage to simply ask more questions.  Asking questions about her frustration proved to be the key to unlocking enormous hidden conflicts in their marriage around money.  It all began when the husband finally broke his silence and said, “This is sooo typical.  We’re worth 23 million dollars and she persists in being cheap when it doesn’t really matter.”

My questioning elicited information that I would have never gotten to if I had been defensive.  Now remember, as a psychologist, I'm trained to ask questions rather than take comments defensively, but I use to do it anyway when it came to fees.

From that point forward I came to understand two principles that helped me build a lasting and vibrant practice—with a waiting list.

The principles are:

1. The fee is never the real problem.  Figure out the problem.  Always assume that the fee discussion is a discussion about something else.  Figure out what the complaints are underneath the surface complaint, and ask what it would take to experience value.

2. Always do business with clients who appreciate the value of my work for them.  In my third or fourth year of business, I decided to never again do business with people who are constantly finding things to complain about.

An amazing thing happened when I applied these principles.  But, I am out of time today.  I’ll share them with you next time.... (How's that for a teaser!)

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Editor's Note:  This article was written by Dr. David Mashburn.  Dave is a Clinical and Consulting Psychologist, Partner at Tidemark, Inc. and a regular contributor to WorkPuzzle.  Comments or questions are welcome.  If you're an email subscriber, reply to this WorkPuzzle email.  If you read the blog directly from the web, you can click the "comments" link below.  

Anecdotal Discoveries: Self-Interest is a Powerful Motivator

Most of what we share on WorkPuzzle is based on research and the scientific findings of professionals who have published what they’ve learned.  I learn a lot by studying these sources, but I also learn from personal experience and the happenstance of life.  Today, I’ll share a principle I discovered many years ago, but saw play out in living color in a recent exchange with some of my family members.

A couple of weeks ago, one of our family’s cell phones went missing.  It happened to be the phone that my older boys share.  It is what we call a “community phone.”  The idea is that one of the boys can grab it before they head out of the house for some event.  When it is not being used, it is supposed to reside on a shelf next to where we keep the car keys.  So, when it got lost, I immediately got the “I didn’t have it last...” comments (almost in unison) from my sons.  

This isn’t the first time the phone has been lost and no one seemed to be motivated to find it (myself included).....until this week.  My oldest son is flying to Baltimore on Friday for a college-prep seminar and needs to take the phone with him.  With this event looming, my wife became motivated to find the phone… "I’m not sending my son across the country, by himself without a phone!"  So, now one person has started to look for the missing phone.

To assist my overworked wife (I was still not motivated enough to actually help her search myself), I announced at the breakfast table on Monday that if someone did not find the phone by Wednesday evening, I was going to be forced to buy a new phone....and, my sons would have to pay for the replacement!

I thought this would get them moving, but surprisingly, it produced no action.  I think it was a combination of Wednesday being a long way from Monday (at least in a teenager’s mind) and the hope that this unfortunate turn of events would result in them getting a new, “cooler” phone—even if it did cost them a little money.

By Tuesday morning, there was still no noticeable effort towards finding the phone.  So, I was very pleased when my 8-year old daughter approached me with an unrelated request:  “Dad, I need to earn some money.  Do you have any jobs that I could do?”  Of course, I jumped on this opportunity and offered her $5 if she could find the phone.  Now, she was motivated!  She rifled through every coat pocket, backpack, and drawer in the house.  She left quite a mess behind her, but still no phone surfaced.

At dinner on Tuesday, I announced that there was only one day left to find the phone before I purchased a new one at their expense.  I also added some well-meant chiding about taking care of your belongings, managing resources carefully, and paying attention to details.  While this was all good information, it wasn’t sparking the motivation that I'd hoped for.  Then, something interesting happened:  My 15-year old son, after politely waiting for my phone monologue to finish, asked me a question:  “Dad, would it be OK if I went to my friend’s graduation party on Sunday?”  

Granting this request meant that I’d have to drive him to a nearby town and back, so he needed my help.  At this point, I again recognized an opportunity to create phone searching motivation.  So, I told him that if he could find the phone before Wednesday night, he could go to the party.

For the first time since we started working on this problem, he actually put some mental effort towards finding the phone.  In fact, he closed his eyes and thought hard for about a minute.  Then, he looked up and said:  “The phone is in my fly fishing vest in our storage locker.”  Sure enough, that’s where it was!

Here is the principle:  Self-interest is a powerful motivator.  In this case, neither financial penalties, nor financial gains produced enough motivation among the family to solve the problem.  Only when I tapped my son’s unique self-interest (need for social interaction), was his motivation finally sparked.  Not only was it sparked, it was engaged in such a powerful way that it resulted in him solving the problem with an amazing amount of speed and effectiveness.

Think about ways that you could be engaging the self-interests of those you manage, coach, and even recruit.  Resist the temptation to formulate universal incentives—the impact of these programs will be limited.  Instead, spend time discovering the unique self-interests of those you hope to motivate.  While you don’t want to use this information to wrongly manipulate, you can develop a healthy partnership between helping individuals get their personal needs met and generating motivation to address the greater good.

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Editor's Note:  This article was written by Ben Hess.  Ben is the Founding Partner and Managing Director of Tidemark, Inc. and a regular contributor to WorkPuzzle.  Comments or questions are welcome.  If you're an email subscriber, reply to this WorkPuzzle email.  If you read the blog directly from the web, you can click the "comments" link below. 

The Art of Asking Questions

A couple of weeks ago, Dave Mashburn wrote a series of blogs to help you increase your success when interviewing new real estate candidates.  If you have not had a chance to read these yet (1, 2, 3), I would encourage you to do so—there is a lot of great information packed into these discussions.

This appears to be an issue that bedevils a lot of people.  I spoke with a real estate owner just last week who was struggling with the issue of convincing a candidate to come on board while she was simultaneously considering an offer made by his competitor. 

In this case, the competitor had done a great job of framing the decision around the fee structure (i.e. the overhead) necessary to be part of a real estate office.  Since the competitor was the low cost option in this category, the candidate was leaning toward joining the competitor’s office.

At this point, most hiring managers will tend to be on their heels.  How do you convince a candidate to get his/her focus off of the minor issue of fees and consider the bigger picture?  That is, without sounding defensive?

Try asking questions.  Not just any questions, but questions that are designed to move the discussion from a conflict between you and the candidate, to a conflict that exists only in the candidate’s brain.  Ideally, you want to facilitate the discussion that the candidate is having with herself until the conflict is resolved.

This isn’t as hard as you may think.  Business consultant, Steve Roesler, recently offered some simple insight that I think is helpful on this topic.

“When you keep announcing the righteousness of your position, the problem defines you.  When you respond with a question, both of you begin defining the problem and looking for solutions.  Which do you want?

Here are four model questions that will help you stay above the fray:  

• 'If this doesn't meet your requirements (criteria, needs), what can be done to ensure that it does?'
• 'If you like the idea but not the related cost, what can we do about the budget constraints?'
• 'If we can't start the project now, when do you think it would be a good time to get it going?'
• 'If you don't want to change anything and think the procedures are fine the way they are, what is it that you like about how they work now?'

You get the idea.  The first part of the question acknowledges that you heard the issue;  the second invites action from the other person.  That way, you stay out of 'argument' mode and create an environment where the responsibility for a solution is a mutual effort.”

Try crafting some questions that address the objections your candidates will likely bring up.  Practice saying them a few times before your interview so that they don’t sound canned.  And then give it a try.  Maybe you’ll be successful at tapping your inner psychologist!

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Editor's Note:  This article was written by Ben Hess.  Ben is the Founding Partner and Managing Director of Tidemark, Inc. and a regular contributor to WorkPuzzle.  Comments or questions are welcome.  If you're an email subscriber, reply to this WorkPuzzle email.  If you read the blog directly from the web, you can click the "comments" link below. 

Disgruntled Over Fees: How To Reframe The Conversation

As a member of the American Psychological Association, I get an annual request for some hefty dues.  The amount is always a bit of a shock.  These are fees I really don’t have to pay.  I could easily drop out of the Association.  But instead, each year, I write the check and send it in.  I have no manager or supervisor to complain to...nobody to negotiate with...just me and the internal conflict:  to pay, or not to pay.  And, like I said, I pay.

I recently had the opportunity to speak to a large group of managers about a related topic:  The real estate industry's annual problem of dealing with conflicts and negotiations around agent fees.

Managers constantly dread the invariable conversations around defending the value agents are deriving from the fees they pay to their respective companies.  Several months ago, one manager described like this:

“It's like I’m always on my heels.” 

Being on your heels is never a promising stance if you don’t want to get pushed over.  So, if all managers are on their heels, how does one get back on their toes?

There are several principles that can help you reframe your role and regain your footing when it comes to having these discussions.  Now, much of what I am about to say will require you to dig deep and reflect on your true value to your agents in order to pull this off.  As you’ll see, each ensuing layer of this approach will demand that you reflect more and more about your true core reasons for doing what you do.

(1)  The number one foundational principle is that you must learn to see your role as a semi-neutral party who is sincerely trying to help your agents arrive at the very best decision for themselves, their families and their future.  You’ll be surprised what can happen when you take this role.  What does this look like?

First, neutrality demands that you understand that questioning is normal.  We all have internal doubts about being cheated.  None of us want to pay fees that are unreasonable.

(2)  When you normalize questioning it's easier to carry out the second principle: Refuse to take sides.  When you refuse to take sides you leave the conflict where it belongs; Inside the head of the person with the conflict (see Anatomy of a Decision).  Only by pushing the conflict (both sides) back into the agent's head can you begin to help them reveal and weigh both sides, without bringing yourself into a position of defending the opposing view.

We’ve all experienced what I’m referring to.  The same agent who is forcing you to defend the fees, was the very night before defending the fees to his/her spouse, who was complaining about the fees.  We all defend and attack sides depending on who we are speaking to.  So...refuse to play that game.  Once you defend one side, you force your agent to defend the other side.

Remember...for me and my APA dues, there is nobody to complain to.  So, I have to play out the two parts of the argument inside my head.  Both sides present themselves and argue, until it becomes a rational internal discussion of weighing the pros and cons, the benefits and liabilities, and yes – what the Association has done to indirectly (through media PR, research, conference development, technology investment, etc.) ensure that the public has a good perception of Psychologists in general.

I make my best decisions by weighing both sides, by myself.  Some people are capable of doing this, others need someone to facilitate this inner dialogue.   In this case, that someone is you!  In the next edition I'll share what you can do to further your role as facilitator.

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Editor's Note:  This article was written by Dr. David Mashburn.  Dave is a Clinical and Consulting Psychologist, Partner at Tidemark, Inc. and a regular contributor to WorkPuzzle.  Comments or questions are welcome.  If you're an email subscriber, reply to this WorkPuzzle email.  If you read the blog directly from the web, you can click the "comments" link below.