About 12 years ago, I was burned out in my work-life. At the time, I found it difficult to maintain almost any degree of excitement towards my daily routine. This was a new feeling for me. Up to this point, I had found it easy to capture enthusiasm towards my work.
What caused this situation to develop? There were probably several factors. Part of the issue was related to a transition at home. I was being freed up from many parenting duties (I had one child in college and two more about to enter), and the nature of my role was changing.
During that period (that I have since referred to as "Dave's Doldrums"), I was introduced to an exercise that eventually helped free me from those very doldrums. The task was called the "Sage Letter."
I know it sounds a bit far out, and I usually avoid anything that remotely smells of pop psychology. But I was desperate, and I thought I'd give it a try.
The exercise involved imagining myself as
an 85-year-old man looking back at the events of my life. From that perspective,
I wrote a letter of advice to myself at my current age (I was 40 at the time).
I know this sounds simple, but it actually takes some time to write such
a letter. I had to seriously dive headlong into this somewhat bizarre
task of "becoming" this 85-year-old man.
I eventually knew that I had arrived at the "right place" when I truly felt confronted with an actual 85-year-old version of myself. I started uncovering my hidden blind spots and aversion to risk. The pure wisdom of brutal honesty suddenly poured out on the page. I started to understand why I was experiencing these doldrums, and I could see how much self-sabotage was going on in my life.
This exercise helped me gain some much-needed clarity. The primary insight I experienced was an awareness of the risk aversion that had crept into my life. It had not been there before, but had slowly and insidiously developed. But, it didn't stop there. The letter also revealed hidden truths about how to improve my marriage, my friendships and my spiritual life.
Since that experience, I cut back on my private practice, began a consulting company, taught graduate classes at a local university, started leading a ministry at my Church, and helped start Tidemark and see it grow. My energy and enthusiasm for life returned.
Why am I disclosing all this? It's because I recently ran across some research explaining the risk aversion that I had felt during this critical juncture in my life. It is actually quite common and typically happens during an individual’s child rearing years. The result is a "freezing" of the ability a person has to thoughtfully make big life decisions and it later leads to a profound sense of regret.
The research was summarized in a recent book, 30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice from the Wisest Americans, written by Karl Pillemer, a human ecology professor at Cornell University. Dr. Pillemer spent five years interviewing more than 1000 Americans who are over 65 years old.
In the book, he distills their wisdom into principles on work, life, marriage, parenting, and other topics. He also describes how many of these elderly people regret having been risk averse earlier in their lives.
In the next edition, I'll share more about this research. But in the mean time, I'd like you to think about how this relates to the people you interview, recruit and manage. Who could you advise to use the "Sage Letter" exercise? Or, maybe it is time you give it a try to yourself.
Question: Are there any opportunities you missed in your professional life because you were risk adverse? What did you learn from the experience?
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Editor's Note: This article was written by Dr. David Mashburn. Dave is a Clinical and Consulting Psychologist, a Partner at Tidemark, Inc. and a regular contributor to WorkPuzzle.
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