Coaching in Tough Times: Stop the Worry

Scientists at the forefront of research on happiness and positive functioning have discovered that negative emotion always has the ability (as Martin Seligman describes it) “to trump” positive emotion. He and other researchers suggest that we have to “learn” to keep negative emotion in check and amplify positive feelings.

How do we do that?

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (who I’ve referenced in past articles as the researcher who prominently studies the brain’s state of flow) believes that unless we occupy our minds with directed thoughts, defined goals, and meaningful work, the brain defaults to a state of worry.

He states that in order to escape such psychic entropy, we must build lives that strive to control our thoughts and guide our attention to activities which provide psychological flow.   These are the activities that give positive feedback, demand concentration, require skill development, and strengthen our sense of purpose and achievement.

“… with nothing to do, the mind is unable to prevent negative thoughts from elbowing their way to center stage. Worries about one’s love life, health, investments, family, and job are always hovering at the periphery of attention, waiting until there is nothing pressing that demands concentration. As soon as the mind is ready to relax, zap! The potential problems that were waiting in the wings take over.” (Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, 1990)

This evidence is consistent with every study done on resilience and survival. The only way to stave off worry and depression is to do build meaning and purpose into your life.   This means setting goals and building an action plan to reach those goals.  Not only does this make us less worrisome, we’re also happier under these conditions.

If you’re coaching or mentoring, build this belief system into your philosophy.

If you’re the one worrying, then spend some time reconnecting to your with your own sense of personal meaning and purpose.  Then get busy putting that purpose into action.   Remember, relaxation is only as good as the work you put in to truly feel you deserved it.