“You can’t handle the truth” are the famous words uttered by Jack Nicholson’s character in the 1992 classic movie, “A Few Good Men.”
In business, as well as any relationship, truth is either withheld completely, allowed to trickle out disguised, or delivered with excessive amounts of criticism and hostility. I'm not sure which is the worst, but fortunately we are given a much better alternative -- clear, objective truth delivered from personal observation or concrete data.
One very successful businessman and friend goes so far as to say “Everyone deserves the truth.” He says this with a near religious conviction. Whether positive or negative news, he believes that it's compassionate to always describe truth. Without it, we are potentially lost, confused, wandering, underachieving, and less than our best. One of the pioneers of organizational psychology, Dr. Harry Levinson said, "Leaders must be able to face and deliver reality if they want to lead well."
When we believe that people “can’t handle the truth” we are typically projecting our own pre-conceived (and unconscious) views of the world onto them. We tend to get bogged down by our old fears and become frozen in our current situation. When in reality, people can't grow, and the current situation will not improve, without truth.
I want to be clear here. I am not talking about brutal honesty that comes across as mean, uncaring, or overly critical. I am talking about direct and loving discussion about what we observe, and what we interpret as a result.
If you didn’t catch the key words there--- they are WE observe and WE interpret. Notice that I didn’t say “YOU do this—YOU do that.” When you make your observations personal, you leave the other person plenty of room to disagree and to offer their own observations. Using "we" is less likely to put the other person on the defensive right out of the gate. A verse from the Bible says: “Speak the truth in a spirit of love.” This is the key...How you convey your message will largely impact how it is received.
If you have been waiting to tell someone the truth, do it compassionately, following this formula:
- Share your observation of the data –- Behavior etc
- Share your interpretations of this data -- Behavior
- Clearly tell them your expectations. Leave no room for error -- Ask them to repeat what is expected.
While I know these conversations can be difficult, you owe it to yourself, your company, and your employees to be truthful, even when it hurts in the short run. We can't grow without reality.
Editor's Note: This article was written by Dr. David Mashburn. Dave is a Clinical and Consulting Psychologist, a Partner at Tidemark, Inc. and a regular contributor to WorkPuzzle. Comments or questions are welcome. If you're an email subscriber, reply to this WorkPuzzle email. If you read the blog directly from the web, you can click the "comments" link below.
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