WorkPuzzle

Gratitude - Part 2

In Friday's blog, I described the many benefits to a daily exercise of gratitude. I suspect that had I listed the benefits (even powerful benefits to reaching your goals), without explaining the prescription, many of you would have reached for your wallet to pay for whatever it was that could lead to such great benefits.

But, given that the solution requires some personal daily discipline, and might be seen as kind of corny (especially to the macho types), you might be inclined to blow it off. Much like Rosanne Bar said many years ago: "I'd do absolutely anything to lose weight.... except diet and exercise."

Here's my promise:  I am going to start following the below prescription daily.  If you haven't yet read Friday's blog, please do, so you can learn why I'm so emphatic about building gratitude into my daily life. It is my hope that you (and those whom you manage) will too aspire to improve your outlook on life via a conscious practice of gratitude.   

Beginning a Gratitude Journal: (Modified from How to Keep a Gratitude Journal)

Step 1:  Choose a blank notebook or journal to write in every night.  Consider a spiral-bound journal that opens flat for ease in writing.  Select lined or unlined paper.  Keep this notebook next to the bed with a pen readily available.

Step 2:  Look for things during the day for which you are grateful.  Make mental notes throughout the day, every day.  Notice how the gratitude journal serves as a catalyst in shifting your focus to a more positive outlook over time.

Step 3:  Write five things you're grateful for each night before bedtime.  Review the day and include anything, however small or great, that was a source of gratitude that day.  For example...the morning sun (rare in Seattle), the sound of a Harley, a flower in bloom, your child's laugh, or the smell of a newly cut lawn (...or cinnamon toast).  Make the list personal.  Write a few words about the five benefits or blessings.  Be brief and increase the length as time progresses.

Step #4:  Begin looking every day for the positive angle in all things.  You will begin to view obstacles as opportunities to appreciate.

Step #5:  Focus on the wonderful things in life to attract similar encounters in the course of the day.  Use positive emotions as you interact with others to elicit more positive emotions (There is a lot of research supporting this finding).  Note these attractions in the gratitude journal.

Step #6:  Personalize the gratitude journal.  Expand it with clippings, photos, quotes or verses from magazines or other sources.

For most of us, this seems like such a stretch -- It seems like something Oprah would do (As I recall, I believe she actually does keep a gratitude journal...). Nevertheless, the benefits are clear and profound. 

While researchers are stating their findings loud and clear, religious leaders have been emphasizing the benefits of gratitude for thousands of years.  I invite (challenge?) you to join me in this endeavor, and post your results.  I think you'll be surprised how much you will gain from this exercise.... 

Goal Attainment and Gratitude

You are probably wondering what Goal Attainment and Gratitude have in common.  If you've been reading this blog for awhile, you might be able to figure it out.  I've been following the research on gratitude over the last few years and have been trying to find a way to make it applicable to our WorkPuzzle readers.  I believe I finally have.  First, some background information regarding gratitude:

You see, gratitude has only recently been put under the microscope from a scientific research perspective.  Prior to the last 15 years, the subject was left to philosophers and religious leaders as the appropriate experts to extol its benefits.  However, once scientists began studying gratitude, they were so impressed by the findings, that research in this area has exploded.

The benefit of gratitude that I predict most of you will be interested in (at least initially), is the finding that gratitude is linked to significantly improved personal goal attainment.  In one study, participants in one group kept gratitude lists (more on this next blog).  This group ended up more likely to have made progress toward important personal goals (academic, interpersonal and health-based) over a two-month period than subjects in the control group, who underwent other exercises toward goal attainment.

However, a Research Project on Gratitude and Thankfulness confirms that goal attainment is not the only benefit to be gained from a practice of gratitude.  Check out the paraphrased list below for additional benefits a consistent discipline of practicing gratitude can bring:

1.  Studies show that those who keep gratitude journals on a weekly basis exercise more regularly, report fewer physical symptoms, feel better about their lives as a whole, and are more optimistic about the upcoming week compared to those who record hassles or neutral life events (Emmons & McCullough, 2003).

2.  Young adults who are taught self-guided exercises for daily gratitude report higher levels of the positive states of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, attentiveness and energy compared to other groups, who tend to focus on hassles or a downward social comparison (ways in which participants think they are better off than others). 

3.  Study participants practicing gratitude are more likely to report having helped someone with a personal problem or having offered emotional support to someone, compared to a group focused on hassles or social comparison condition.

4.  In a sample of adults with neuromuscular disease, a 21-day gratitude intervention resulted in greater amounts of high-energy, positive moods; a greater sense of connectedness to others; more optimistic ratings of one’s life; and better sleep duration and sleep quality, relative to a control group.

5.  Children who practice grateful thinking have more positive attitudes toward school and their families (Froh, Sefick, & Emmons, 2008).

6.  Grateful people report higher levels of positive emotions, life satisfaction, vitality, and optimism.  In addition, they report lower levels of depression and stress.  The disposition toward gratitude appears to enhance pleasant feeling states more than it diminishes unpleasant emotions.  Grateful people do not deny or ignore the negative aspects of life.

7.  Prosociality:  People with a strong disposition toward gratitude have the capacity to be empathetic and to view the perspective of others.  They are rated as more generous and more helpful by people in their social networks (McCullough, Emmons, & Tsang, 2002).

8.  Spirituality:  Those who regularly attend religious services and engage in religious activities, such as prayer reading, are more likely to be grateful.  Grateful people are more likely to acknowledge a belief in the interconnectedness of all life, and a commitment to, and responsibility to others (McCullough et. al., 2002). Gratitude does not require religious faith, but faith enhances the ability to be grateful.

9.  Materialism:  Grateful individuals place less importance on material goods; they are less likely to judge their own and others' success in terms of possessions accumulated; they are less envious of others; and are more likely to share their possessions with others, relative to less grateful persons.

If that isn't a good enough list of benefits to spur most of us to develop our own discipline of gratitude, I don't know what will!

In Monday's blog I'll show you how you can begin to develop your own gratitude practice, and how to teach gratitude to those you coach and mentor.

Why Optimism Matters - Part 2: Optimism and Sport...What it Means for You

On Friday, we took a look at the toll that Optimism (or lack thereof) takes on health.  For those of you who want to apply this to business, the research on Optimism and Sports may be a better transfer of principles:

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"Sports enthusiasts at every level are intuitively aware that the ‘mental’ part of performance can be just as important as the physical.  Gymnastics is often said to be 90% mental and 10% physical.  Other sports see ‘intangible’ factors, such as confidence and a ‘cool’ head under pressure, make up more than 50% of success.

Many will talk about ‘being in the zone’ when they perform at their peak.  Olympic 100- metre gold medalist Linford Christie described his focus on the starting line as being like looking down a long, straight tune.  His ability to blank out other competitors, the roar of the crowd, the flashbulbs, gave him those extra centimeters over his rivals.

In sport, psychology matters – and at every level.  If you go onto the squash court telling yourself that you’ve never beaten Joe before and that you’re not going to beat him today, then the result is very predictable.

Optimism boosts sporting performance, both at team and individual levels.  Research into baseball and basketball teams in the USA revealed that teams have their own explanatory styles.  The explanatory style used by teams after a defeat or when under pressure in the last few minutes of a game will determine future performance, regardless of the quality of the team.  Those who are optimistic in the face of defeat are more likely to be successful in their next game; those who explain setbacks negatively will perform more poorly.  Research into swimmers revealed that the same trend holds for individual athletes.  Quite simply, when under pressure optimistic sportsmen and women try harder – and they recover from defeat more quickly.

After conducting detail study of sports teams and on individual swimmers, Martin Seligman included a list of 'What Every Coach Should Know' in Learned Optimism: _

• Optimism is not something you can know intuitively.  The ASQ (an optimism test developed by Seligman’s team) measures something you can't.  It predicts success beyond experienced coaches' judgments and handicappers' expertise.

• Optimism tells you when to use certain players rather than others.  Consider a crucial relay race.  You have a fast athlete, but he's a pessimist who lost his last individual race.  Substitute.  Use pessimists only after they have done well.
• Optimism tells you who to select and recruit.  If two prospects are close in raw talent, recruit the optimist.  He'll do better in the long run.
• You can train your pessimists to become optimists."

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If you're interested, you and your team can go to http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/Default.aspx and take the Optimism Test to see where you rank.  But keep in mind...your entire team can’t be optimists.  Decisions would be far too impulsive. 

Why Optimism Matters

Over the course of the last 23 years of Consulting and providing Psychotherapy Services to countless individuals, I can tell you that the role of Optimism is a concept that is greatly misunderstood. 

It seems that there are two extremes when it comes to Optimism:  One extreme people experience is a Fear of Hope, usually due to having been burned several times previously, where feelings were severely hurt and all hope was shattered.  The other extreme is Endless, (and somewhat) Baseless Hope -  Hope built on nothing but hope alone (In other words, optimism without substance and hard work).

In following the research on Optimism, I found this great summary article called "Why Optimism Matters" that is helpful in realizing the impact that Optimism can have on every aspect of our lives, including business: 

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"More than 100 studies have been conducted to measure the impact of optimism and pessimism on people's lives.

One of the key factors is that pessimism can be very insidious, pervading all parts of people’s lives, causing them to lose heart and to give up. Research shows that people who have a pessimistic explanatory style are:

• more susceptible to depression when things go wrong 

• more likely to underachieve 

• prone to passivity or helplessness when confronted with a stressful situation, such as a new job or leaving home for university 

• liable to under-perform at sport when faced with stress or defeat on the field of play 

• more likely to die from a heart attack following an initial coronary event, compared with people who have an optimistic explanatory style.

One of the reasons why optimists tend to be healthier than pessimists is that depression weakens certain hormones in the brain, sparking off a chain reaction that suppresses the immune system.

Optimists also pay more attention than pessimists to information that will help them reduce health risks.  A study by Dr Lisa Aspinwall, associate professor at the University of Utah, found that when subjects were given information about cancer and serious health issues, optimists spent more time than pessimists reading the severe risk material and they remembered more of it. It is because they are optimistic that they are prepared to bite the bullet and spend time attending to major health risks.

There is a simple explanation for the link between our explanatory style and the things that happen in our lives. Reivich points out that if you are a 50 year old man who smokes, drinks a lot of alcohol, eats a lot of red meat and has had a first coronary episode, then his explanatory style will have a big impact on the outcome. Pessimists will tend to behave passive in the face of this bad news, rather than spurred into action to change their lifestyle and improve their health.

'The doctor says "you need to quit smoking, quit drinking and change your diet". As a pessimist, you'll most likely say to yourself something like "it’s in my genes, my father died of a heart attack, his father died of a heart attack, I’m just destined for this".  And if that’s your belief then that’s going to dictate your behavior, and you’re going to be less likely to follow doctor’s orders.  So there’s nothing magical about the pathway through which explanatory style leads to real world outcome, explanatory style drives behaviour – and behaviour is what leads to outcomes.' 

'These are people,' says Aspinwall, 'who aren’t sitting around wishing things were different. They believe in a better outcome, and that whatever measures they take will help them to heal.'

Research led by Dr Mika Kivimaki in Finland concluded that optimism may reduce the risk of health problems and actually help a person recover after experiencing a serious life-changing event, such as death of a spouse or child. Following a major life crisis, pessimists tend to take more time off work than optimists. 

'Pessimists frequently distance themselves from emotional events and this coping strategy may be less effective than using active problem-focused coping immediately after an uncontrollable severe event such as death of a family member', said Kivimaki.

Pessimistic people face the real risk of giving up in the face of adversity, of passively accepting that they were born to draw the short straw in life. But we don’t need to live like this. When bad things happen we should take action by striving to find the explanations and thought patterns that give us hope, instead of the 'This happpens to me' 'all the time', 'no matter what'.

For some people it could mean the difference between life and death."

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On Monday, I'll share some examples and analogies within the sports arena that you can relate to your team and business competition practices.

Coaching for Focus, Attention, and Success

On Friday, I described the neuroscience regarding the importance of maintaining focus.  Brain research confirms that we can shape how our brains operate and perform by training them to focus intently on the desired end-result.  To do this with the most positive results, we must help the brain stop doing what its oldest parts are trying to do-- keep us alive!

You see, above all else, the brain's primary purpose is to keep us from dying.  How?  The brain does this by focusing on what can go wrong; by focusing on the dangers; by focusing on the obstacles; by focusing on the negative.  This is the brain's default position.

But, unlike other animals, we have this enormous cerebral cortex that surrounds the oldest part of the brain (the lymbic system).  If we always give in to the danger signals that the lymbic system is sending out, we'd rarely take chances, innovate, face rejection, or progress in our development.

Here's an example of how performance can be enhanced by training the brain to filter out obstacles and focus on the goal at hand:

I've been mountain biking for the past 14 years.  I'm by no means an expert, but I get by.  The first thing anyone learns in mountain biking technique 101, is that your bike will go where your eyes are looking.  If your eyes are looking at a tree, you'll hit the tree.  If you're looking at a rock, you'll hit the rock.

Now, your brain actually wants to look at the rock... it's literally screaming at you... "There's a rock you idiot!  You'd better look at it...and while you're at it, slow down for crying out loud!" 

There are some people who will never progress in single track mountain biking, because they can't train their minds to not look at the rock.  The people who become proficient bikers, are able to train their brain, over time, to focus ahead, around the upcoming curve, toward the open trail...to where they really want to go. 

This task takes discipline and repetition.  Soon your brain has realized, "I am not only staying alive by looking beyond the trees and rocks, I'm having pleasure and success by doing it this way!"

I've heard this same principle applies to race car driving.  At those speeds, you can't look at the wall.  If you do, you're dead!

Success for you and those you manage is no different.  If your team is constantly looking at the obstacles, you'll inevitably hit them, head-on.  Likewise, if you're constantly looking at the "bad market," you'll be dragged down by it. 

Success comes to those who can train their team (self included) to look toward the vision, the goals, and the opportunities.  A culture built on this mind-set, is one that will survive and thrive, while the "others" out there will continue to hit trees...  

The Neuroscience of Change

One of our readers recently sent me a very good article titled, "The Neuroscience of Leadership," by David Rock and Jeffrey Schwartz.

Although it certainly pertains to leadership on some level, it is really more about change.  The authors did an excellent job synthesizing a good deal of brain research into understandable applications around some of the challenges of producing change in organizations.

Here are some tidbits:

1. Change is pain.  Organizational change is unexpectedly difficult because it provokes sensations of physiological discomfort.

2. Behaviorism doesn’t work.  Change efforts based on incentive and threat (the carrot and the stick) rarely succeed in the long run.

3. Humanism is overrated.  In practice, the conventional empathic approach of connection and persuasion doesn’t sufficiently engage people.

4. Focus is power.  The act of paying attention creates chemical and physical changes in the brain.

5. Expectation shapes reality.  People's preconceptions have a significant impact on what they perceive.

6. Attention density shapes identity.  Repeated, purposeful, and focused attention can lead to long-lasting personal evolution.

Points four and six are most interesting to me – Focus is power and Attention density shapes identity:

"Concentrating attention on your mental experience, whether a thought, an insight, a picture in your mind’s eye, or a fear, maintains the brain state arising in association with that experience.  Over time, paying enough attention to any specific brain connection keeps the relevant circuitry open and dynamically alive.  These circuits can then eventually become not just chemical links but stable, physical changes in the brain’s structure.

Cognitive scientists have known for 20 years that the brain is capable of significant internal change in response to environmental changes, a dramatic finding when it was first made.  We now also know that the brain changes as a function of where an individual puts his or her attention.  The power is in the focus.  Attention continually reshapes the patterns of the brain.

The greater the concentration on a specific idea or mental experience, the higher the attention density.  With enough attention density, individual thoughts and acts of the mind can become an intrinsic part of an individual’s identity:  Who one is, how one perceives the world, and how one’s brain works.  The neuroscientist’s term for this is self-directed neuroplasticity."

This is exciting information to me.  I have seen this research in various forms, coming out of all avenues of science.  Additionally, I have seen first hand the impact of people falling into old (safe) patterns of thinking based on old experiences, simply because it's what they've known and focused on previously.

I have also seen the subsequent life change that occurs when attention shifts to a new way of thinking or feeling.  Ask yourself... "Where am I stuck?"... "What am I focused on that is keeping me there?"... and "What should I focus on to get where I'd like to be?"

GIT-R-DONE Discipline

Yesterday, my favorite morning radio program featured "Larry the Cable Guy."  He was live on the air for about ten of the funniest minutes I've ever experienced.  I've never really given the guy a chance, quickly changing the channel whenever coming across him on T.V.  I have to admit, however, he had me in stitches during the entire show.

In listening to the interview, it became apparent that  he'd been on this radio program before, typically to promote an upcoming performance in the Seattle area. 

Near the end of the interview, the host mentioned that every time Larry is a guest on the show, he seems to have brand new material.  The host was curious about how he managed to keep his act so fresh and not repeat any old material.

For the first time in the interview, Larry became very serious and replied:

"For the past several years, I have disciplined myself to write comedy bits for two hours every day."

He went on to describe how he frequently has to force himself to find time to write.  Even on those days when there seems to be no time... he "forces" himself just the same.  He credits his great success to holding steadfast to this discipline, and believes that he wouldn't have lasted in the competitive world of comedy without it.

The lessons here are so clear:

1. What appears effortless, usually takes an incredible amount of diligence and hard work behind the scenes.
2. Any success that lasts, is built on hard work and consistent discipline.
3. There are no short-cuts to success.
4. Your success is up to you.  No pointing fingers.
5. You've got to have a system!

No matter what you do, without a system and accountability to that system, you probably won't accomplish what you intend to.  For example, if recruiting is part of your job, you can't be flying by the seat of your pants.  You must set aside a certain period of time every day to recruit within the parameters of a system.  Only by doing this day-in and day-out, without fail, will you succeed.

"I find the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving:  To reach the port of heaven, we must sail sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it, but we must sail, and not drift, nor lie at anchor." (Oliver Wendell Holmes)

Basic Rules For Managing People

I like rules that make sense... Rules that have a purpose... Rules that are intended to make us more productive people.  Although I've touched on it previously, I'd like to revisit the topic of rules that govern human behavior.  Just yesterday I referenced the below material in responding to a client's question.  Clearly, it continues to provide relevant insight for all of us.

Recruiting, coaching and work performance are governed by the rules of human behavior.  The rules aren’t always as ironclad as the rules of the physical universe, but they are fairly predictable.  While it may seem complicated, our job is to boil these principles down to rules that you can remember and practice on a daily basis.

Over the next few weeks, I will list and describe some of the rules regarding human behavior, and then dive into each of these rules in more detail in the months ahead.  I hope you follow along for the ride.

 

Rule #1:  The Rule of Relationship Credibility

Whether you’re recruiting new talent, coaching a team of high performers, or teaching others to recruit clients, you must understand the concept of relationship credibility.  Ask yourself this question:

“Can I generally figure out when someone is exploiting me for their own purposes?”

I think most of us have a good barometer for detecting when this is the case.  Likewise, those with whom you’re attempting to build a relationship can likely figure this out too.

If you want to draw in the very best talent, and draw out the most from them, then you need to understand what these individuals require from you.  Talented people want to have relationships, be understood, and be associated with people who are credible.

How is credibility built?  It is partially built through "process" and partially built through "substance."

The definition of "process" is "a series of actions directed toward a specific aim."  Consistent and thoughtful follow-up on your part, shows that you are dependable.  A well-conceived plan demonstrates integrity in your thoughts.  If those around you perceive that you only make contact when you want something, you will not be perceived as credible.  Executing and clearly communicating a process will prevent this from happening.

While process is important, substance is even more important.  "Substance" is defined as "real or practical value or importance."  The substance in any relationship is most easily developed by learning about the other person’s story.  This is vital for managers because it gives both you and your (prospective) employee the opportunity to assess whether you are a good fit for each other, and whether joining your team fits into his/her life story.  Genuine interest in the lives of your employees fosters the development of substance in your work relationship with them, thus fostering your credibility.

Here’s what you need to know:  What drives this person?  What are their ultimate goals?  How does doing what they’re doing now fit into this goal?  How does it fit into their financial, family and retirement objectives?  How does it fit into their charitable affiliations?  How does it fit into their personal development?  The answers to these questions will illuminate the foundation of their life story.

If a person feels that you are genuinely interested in them, he/she wants to be asked these questions.  Having this exchange will give you the most valuable tool known to managers: relationship credibility.

With relationship credibility, you can begin to integrate every conversation regarding business plans, sales objectives, and talent development into a person’s big picture.  This will be experienced as authentic, natural, and mutually beneficial.

Defining Happiness - Part 3: Coaching for Happiness and Confidence

The most popular WorkPuzzle blog to date is titled “Coaching for Confidence.”  In order to achieve a state of true confidence, you need to have worked hard at developing a talent or set of skills.  This development never comes easily and is always built with consistent and copious amounts of time and effort.

If you’ve read WorkPuzzle the last couple days (Part 1, Part 2), you know that science says the same thing about happiness.  Happiness, or a life with abiding and deep satisfaction, takes work.

For coaches, parents, and managers, this is invaluable information.  Only with this information firmly planted into your frontal lobe, can you know how to begin answering questions and fielding complaints regarding frustration, failure, roadblocks, and anxiety.

Let me give you some examples of what science says about happiness and confidence, and then tell you how to apply it:

1. Success and happiness never come solely from “the pleasant life.”  The pleasant life is defined as:  A life dedicated to maximizing the amount of pleasurable experiences in both frequency and duration.  People who value this goal above all others, exhibit more depression and anxiety, and are more likely to report feelings of “emptiness.”  (Martin Seligman, "Learned Optimism")

2. People report much greater well-being when working.  They feel stronger, more creative, satisfied, and good about themselves when they are at work.  Studies show that while at leisure, people fall into the range known as “apathy.”  They feel passive, weak, dull, and dissatisfied.

There is one more surprising finding here:  The above respondents, despite their “greater well-being”, ironically reported that they’d rather be somewhere else than at work.  The reason for this is that our culture has gradually created some very strong stereotypes about work, such as:  Work is an imposition, a constraint, an infringement of their freedom, and therefore something to be avoided.  (Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi “Flow:  Psychology of Optimal Experience”)

So, as a coach, when someone complains to you about how difficult it is to achieve what they want to achieve, and they insist that it should be easier – Remind them that everyone would be happy, confident, and successful if fulfillment was easily achieved.  Assign them the task of asking the happiest, most confident, successful people they know, how they got there.

I guarantee that the answer would be a long list of trials, failures, starts and stops, and difficulty.  Welcome to the life of a happy person!

Ralph Marston said it this way:

“If it were quick and easy you would have already done it.  The fact that it is difficult and time-consuming means you’re doing something truly worthwhile.  The value of any achievement is built with the time and effort you put into it.  Keep going, keep building, keep at it and you’ll truly have something of great value.  It is often difficult to stay positively focused.  And it is always worth the trouble.  Sure, it would be much easier to do nothing.  Yet by doing nothing, you create nothing.  Instead, step forward and do the difficult work that must be done.  With each effort, you are adding more value and substance to the achievement.  Feel the satisfaction as you continue the difficult and rewarding work of building that achievement.  Know that the value has already started coming to life.”

Defining Happiness - Part 2: Coaching

Ben's article opens the door to possibly an entire series of articles.  You see, if we don't understand both the causes and the impact of happiness, we really can't have any influence over anyone.  We must appeal to what really makes people happy to engage them on any meaningful level.

All science around human flourishing can be summed up in one sentence: "It turns out that we are very poor predictors of what makes us happy."  (Seligman, Csikszentmihalyi, and Diener all say in separate writings)

Why are we such poor predictors of what makes us happy?  Basically, it's because we get sidetracked by the ever increasing availability and temptation of short-cuts and instant gratification.  Additionally, volumes of evidence suggests that for the last 60 years we have been told (from teachers, parents, media, friends, and public policy) that happiness is attained by those who increase their pleasurable experiences in both frequency and duration. 

Science, however, tells a different story...  Research shows that this mentality (the belief that we need to do more fun things in life to be happy) leads to an increase in societal and personal depression and anxiety.

Science has found that...ouch, here comes the bad news.. happiness takes work!  It takes character development, delayed gratification, engagement in ones work, strong marriage (this has the highest correlation to happiness), playing an active role in developing ones children, and having goals that are built upon deep beliefs and purpose.

Increasing happiness in ourselves and in others undoubtedly takes work.  But, if your responsibilities include coaching others, the knowledge is invaluable.  You can begin to ask:

1. Are you happy?
2. Let's figure out why or why not? (If I can't help your overall happiness quotient, what's keeping you from moving to another office?
3. What do you believe will make you happy here?
4. How are your goals in this job related to your overall goals in life? 

Side Note:  If the person only focuses on the financial picture, ask them:  How does this fit into your goals for your family, community, or faith?  If your approach strikes them as new and different, let them know that you are dedicated to helping them see the whole picture.  You want them to work hard, but it has to be toward something with more meaning than money (...although this is certainly part of the picture and not at all bad in itself!).

Here is an example of a work-related goal you may elicit:  "I want to be good at what I do, and service my clients better than they have ever been serviced..."  Now that's a goal!  But, again, it takes hard work.  When they succeed, they'll feel deeply satisfied and very grateful to you. 

It will take time, planning, execution, and effort, because remember...there are no shortcuts to happiness!